Out of Darkness
by Tripp3235
Summary: Shortly after moving to DC with his fiancée, Castle is kidnapped and the only way to escape is to follow a natural labyrinth of tunnels heading to the unknown. With just his thoughts through this journey, Castle finds help along the way…
1. Chapter 1

_Name: Out of Darkness_  
_Betas: Slynn6776, ScarlettAngel and McManda_  
_Author's Note: This story is set before S6 starts and turns into an AU. This is going to be told 100% from Castle's POV. If it proves popular, I will write up a follow story from Kate's perspective. _

* * *

Castle woke up to water running and turned his head to where Kate should be laying. Looking at the clock, he saw it was only 5:45 - before sunrise - though the dark windows had already told him that. Sighing, he threw his legs over the side of the bed and stretched. He had tried to wait up for Kate the night before, but sleep ultimately took him. At least he could tell she had gotten some rest since her side showed evidence she had been there.

Heading to the kitchen, he turned on the coffee maker and hoped he could at least make some breakfast for her. They'd hardly seen each other this week, though that wasn't surprising. It had become routine since she'd taken on a new schedule.

He heard the water shut off as he got some toast ready and grabbed the newspaper from the front door. He almost had it all ready for her when she came out of the bedroom, trying to put on her jacket but the sleeve wasn't cooperating.

"Morning," he said, forcing a smile onto his face. Her new job was really a puzzle to him since she wasn't allowed to talk about it, however he had no doubt it was even more dangerous than being a detective and the last thing he wanted to do was let her leave without a smile on his face, no matter how forced.

"Morning." She walked over to him and put a quick kiss on his lips. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

He shrugged. "It's okay. I don't think I'll ever get off New York time."

She gave him a look. "It's the same time, Castle." He grinned at her so she would know he was teasing.

"So …" he started, praying she could actually sit down. "Didn't even hear you come in."

She nodded, taking a sip of the coffee. "Yeah, I tiptoed in. Didn't want to wake you."

"I wish you had." He really did.

Sighing, she put her arm around him. "I know, Castle. I knew this job would take a lot of my time but I hadn't realized just how much …"

"It's okay," he mumbled. He didn't make eye contact on purpose. She was quiet and he hoped, actually prayed, she would notice.

Her silence got his hopes up, but either she changed her mind or it was a figment of his imagination. "Well, I have to go. If we finish this case up today, I can be back in time for dinner."

He stared at what remained of her small breakfast, which was most of it. "Okay."

"Hey," her hand came into his view and grabbed his.

Now he looked at her. "Yeah?"

"I love you." God, that still got to him.

Smiling, he returned. "I love you, too."

They kissed and he squeezed her hand. When she pulled back he looked down at her hand, and instead of feeling happy or warm, he noticed the absence of the engagement ring.

"_Castle, I can't wear it. It's too big; it would draw attention from the wrong sort of people."_

"_Fine, if I had known that, I could have just gotten you a smaller stone."_

"_It's not just that. Wearing a diamond ring is impractical in my work. It could get broken or become a target …"_

"_So, you could wear it around your neck like you used to wear your mother's..."_

They never really finished that conversation, and he still hadn't gotten over it, but if she realized it was what he was presently thinking about, she showed no signs of it. Taking some of the toast, she opened the door but paused in the doorframe. She met his eyes and he could see a flicker of fear, he knew that look. Whatever they were planning today was probably dangerous and she was memorizing his face, in case this was the last time she saw him. Immediately he stood up straighter and gave her a big smile. "See you later."

"Bye." And she was gone.

Walking over to a chair, he pulled it out so he could finish his own coffee. Closing his eyes, he tried to remind himself he was really glad to be with her. All he wanted was to be included in her life. If he wasn't supportive of her career, what did that say about him? She was a fantastic cop and no doubt would make an even better federal agent. So why did he feel so empty inside?

Clearing away what little he made for breakfast, he went to get his phone and call his daughter. She didn't answer and he realized she was probably in the shower herself and would be getting ready for class. He missed living with her. Flipping through the contacts in his phone, he landed on his mother's face, but shook his head. "She wouldn't be up anyway," he said out loud.

Changing into sweats, he got ready to jogging. Of all activities, he never thought he would ever take it up. But the most recent doctor's visit had told him to lose this weight and get in better shape, and Kate had become concerned when he tried to shake it off and to appease her he started doing this. It turned out it to be a great idea because running helped him work off his frustrations.

While Castle was jogging, his mind couldn't shake the melancholy he felt during the week while Kate was at work. He knew the real problem was his whole life had revolved for so long around her and now that she had a job that didn't support his shadowing, he needed to find somewhere else to focus. It hadn't been easy.

The move itself was actually easy. Well, not easy, but it gave him something specific to do—lots of things to do. He had worried about moving in together, and he knew it was a concern for her, too. But they had spent so much time together lately it hadn't had been as big of a deal as he had thought, though her reaction to his life-sized Boba Fett sitting in their bathroom was less than complimentary. He was able to talk her into it.

Adjusting to her new schedule had been a whole other matter. He knew there would be long hours, but she was supposed to have two days off a week, yet so far she had almost always got called in on the first day reducing their time together to just one. It took everything within him not complain about this, mainly because the looks on her face told him she hated it, too.

Now that they were settled, he tried to focus on what he was supposed to be doing: writing. But he had never been a writer who could work normal hours from 9-5. He took in the city, and they have wonderful museums, but since Kate didn't have a lot of time to go see them, it started to feel weird going by himself.

Running downhill, Castle slowed and at the base, he stopped, leaning up against a tree. He really did love this park, thankful it was near their home. He and Kate had spent most of her days off taking walks through it, and he was surprised at how Kate opened up more out in the open air than their new living room. One unexpected but good consequence about this new position that he wasn't a part of it; he was able to help Kate unwind because they couldn't talk about work. She really needed to stop obsessing over work and he could be a great distraction.

Though he really wished he could be more than a distraction.

Taking out some water, he gulped down several sips. Smiling, he remembered her last day off. He had surprised her with a picnic on their walk and she was thrilled. It had turned out to be a great day and one of the few occasions he was able to relax and just be with her.

Replacing the water back in his sweats pocket, he pulled out his phone to change the playlist selection. Putting it back, he prepared to take off again, but a shadow got his attention, startling him. Before he could turn around to see what or who it was, his left arm was grabbed, yanked, and twisted behind him.

He tried to use his right arm to grab at the man. Castle's first thoughts were he was being mugged. He was sorry he had brought his wallet.

"Hello, Mr. Castle!" Castle didn't know the voice but the fact he knew his name scared Castle senseless.

Trying to keep his voice steady, Castle replied, "Hello yourself. Do we know each other?"

Whoever the man was, he chuckled, which tickled the back of Castle's neck. "Not really. But we have met. I take it you don't remember."

Out of habit Castle started to shake his head but the man's grip on his head was too was too tight. "No, but if you let me see your face …"

"Sorry, it's too late for that. You think you know everything about murder, Mr. Castle. It's now time to learn you don't."

The man stepped them a little to the right. Castle's eyes were scanning around but he knew at this time of morning there would be few people around this area and they were down the hill and out of sight line from the nearby road. Fear gripped the author's heart as he realized this was probably going to be it. His attacker could kill him right here and right now.

He felt something sharp near his neck and Castle braced himself. Alexis would be so upset she had missed his call. Memory flashed of Kate walking through the door and smiling at him.

He was so glad he smiled back.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_Thank you for your kind reviews. Poor Castle, he's just getting started on this journey._

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The first thing Castle sensed was the smell of dirt, a strong pungent smell. Opening his eyes, there was a faint light at his feet, a greenish-neon glow. Shifting, he felt objects against his side, hard objects. When he went to rise up, he could feel pain from the back of his neck. Reaching to it, he felt a couple of small scabs. He realized his attacker used a stun gun on him.

_At least he didn't kill me,_ Castle thought. "Yet." The word echoed off the walls and forced Castle to give a really good look around.

He was inside a cave. There was no question. The walls were dark and rocky and the ground was hard and rocky as well. As the author turned, the objects besides him hit, reminding him they were there. He had a flashlight, a brand new bottle of water, a protein bar, a folded piece of paper and a small dirt pick. The present light was coming from a glowstick at his feet.

Reaching down and using it to get a closer look at what he had, he wondered about his own things. Reaching to his pockets, he pulled out his wallet and his own water bottle, but his phone was missing. "Damn, I just replaced that, too."

He heard his words echo and he shuddered. Where was he?

Putting everything down, he grabbed the paper, he saw one page was a letter to him.

_Dear Mr. Castle,_

_Some weeks ago you and I spoke at a writer's conference held at the Hilton here in Washington. You were there signing autographs and giving advice. Most people wanted to meet you and talk to you, and I wanted to talk to you about my own project._

_I told you I had the perfect idea. A book dedicated to the perfect killing. It was very difficult to get your interest and from what little you let me tell you, you didn't think it was a good idea. I did as you asked and sent my masterpiece to you via Black Pawn, but never heard back from you._

_So I decided to prove you wrong, Mr. Castle, but in an extreme way. You're living my murder now. Let's see if you can survive. I'm confident that you will not be found, but I will be sure to let them try. Also, you told me that in a good story the victim tries to save himself. So you have that chance too, but you're locked into this cave as it was sealed off. I even gave you some tools._

_Good luck, Mr. Castle. My sadness in this is people won't know how easily I got to you._

_Signed,_

_A better writer_

"Arrogant bastard," Castle said, wishing he could say it to the man's face. He remembered that night mentioned in the letter. When they first got to Washington, Castle had agreed to do a promotional event for Black Pawn at the local Hilton. It actually was mostly fun, though Castle wished Kate could have made it. The only unpleasant moment came at the very end when a very strange man cornered him.

"_Mr. Castle!"_

_The event was almost over and Castle was very tired. But he turned to the sound of the latest fan and was face to face with a balding man, about a foot shorter than him. He was stocky, but stood with a determination. Castle couldn't help but notice this man's appearance. He was wearing a faded shirt with flower prints all over it, very reminiscent of the 1970s. And his pants were so shiny Castle wasn't sure what kind of material they were made of._

"_Yes, how may I help you?"_

"_Mr. Castle, I brought you a manuscript. I wondered if you would want to read it and give me some advice."_

_That was the last thing Castle wanted to do. "I'm sorry sir, I won't have time tonight…"_

_He stepped closer to Castle, forcing him to take a step back. "Oh, I wouldn't expect you to soak it up tonight. You could study it and tell me next week what you think!"_

_Castle had been asked by would-be authors before to read their work, and over the years he had a formulated answer to give them, but something about this man told Castle he wouldn't take such a generic answer. "I'm sorry, I wish I could, but you see my fiancée and I are moving here to the city and between that and the publicity book tour coming up, I just won't be able to give it time. If you would like to send it in to my publisher, I can get to it later…"_

"_I've waited hours tonight, Mr. Castle. Is that all you can do for me?" _

_Castle held the man's stare. There was something behind those eyes that Castle didn't like. Sighing, he decided to just see if he could appease him. "Well, can you give me a synopsis? What is it about?"_

_Disappointment crossed the man's face, but in a couple of moments it was gone. Glancing down at his precious work, he nodded. "It's about the perfect murder."_

Castle struggled to remember the rest of the man's conversation but he had some wine that night and with the trauma of his current situation, he was having trouble remembering.

"Damn," Castle thought. He stood up, the area he was in was about 10 x 12 feet. The obvious entrance of the cave was covered in wooden boards. It looks like he had put together two pallets and used them to create a wall to block him in. Placing his hand on them, he saw the wood was rather old. Grabbing the pick, he began using it to hammer at the boards.

A few hits and one board cracked. Castle could see white behind it. Using his fingers he reached through the cracks to feel what the material was. It was white and had a pungent smell. Taking the pick, he squeezed the point behind the side of a board and yanked. Repeating the process a few times, he was able to pull out a good portion of one of the boards. He touched the material; it was rather soft. He chipped at it but after about an hour he had only gotten a couple of feet in if that. Another problem was now that he could stick his head in, he would start to have problems breathing and have to back out. He realized this was most likely that fast expanding foam they used for insulation.

Feeling light headed, Castle sat down. While he had worked he thought the manual labor of it was just taxing him but now he realized he was having trouble breathing. Castle thought back to research he did a long time ago, he had wondered if using the material would work to hide a body. He remembered the material would hold heat and cold in as well as make it air tight.

Horrified, Castle remembered the rest of the conversation:

"_I need to tell you that there is no such thing as the perfect murder." He was gesturing for them to walk. Castle needed to head over to the rep from Black Pawn and hoped he then could ditch the man by her._

"_That isn't true! Murderers get away with killing victims all the time!"_

_Castle shook his head. "That's true, but most of those unsolved cases are random with no connection to the victim and his or her murderer. If you are planning on writing it like that, it's not going to make a compelling-"_

"_My story will be good! Mr. Castle. It's going to be from the victim's point of view."_

_Castle stopped. The man's behavior was creepy enough, but hearing him talk made Castle wish he could just run away. It was almost like … but Castle was sure it was just his imagination. "Then I guess it's a short story?"_

"_No, the murder will take a long time to happen."_

"_How?"_

_Smiling his creepy smile, he explained. "The killer will kidnap the victim and place him in a room he can't escape."_

"_If he can't escape, why would you write about that?"_

_His smile got even bigger. "Because that will be the fun part."_

"No, no, no," Castle repeated. He started circling around the room, trying to think. Even if the foam only went to the top of the ceiling of the cave which was only eight feet high, it was possible he only had a limited amount of air supply in the cave. Also, the top of the roof may collapse and he'd most certainly suffocate.

Stopping he looked around the room for any kind of alternative escape route. He saw nothing. Probably why this area was picked. It was the end of the cave. Feeling his stomach grumble, Castle knelt down wondering what time it was. How long had he been gone?

Trying to keep himself from panicking Castle went back over the things he had, doing another inventory. At least it gave him something to do. Picking up the pencil, he wondered if the creepy man left him this to write final notes to his loved ones. The idea made him physically sick and he looked up to the ceiling to try to blink away the tears. That's when he noticed it.

A dark orb in the center of the room. From the other angles of the room and in the green glow it looked very much like one of the rocks sticking out of the ceiling. Standing up, he reached up and touched it. It was glass.

Since the ceiling was fairly low, it was easy for Castle to take his hands and rub away the dirt around the half sphere. It didn't take long for him to pull it out, revealing a camera.

"_I'm afraid I have to go now… Mr …" Castle wanted to get away as far as he could._

"_Mr. Brown. You can call me Mr. Brown." Castle nodded and tried to walk away but the man followed. "So you just don't like this idea?"_

_Castle stopped, wondering if he should just tell the truth. "It's not like it hasn't been done before, Mr. Brown, but in fiction the narrative is either first person or third person."_

"_It will be third person."_

_Castle nodded. "But from the point of view from the victim? What happens when the victim dies?"_

"_Ahh, that's the brilliant part. That's when we find out the killer has been watching the whole time." He looked so pleased with himself._

_Castle was relieved when Katelyn, the Black Pawn representative, approached them. "Mr. Castle, your car is outside waiting to take you home. I'm sorry to cut this short."_

_Mr. Brown didn't even look at Katelyn. Ignoring her words completely, he said, "If you're done here, why don't you and I get a cup of coffee and I can talk to you more about my manuscript. I am positive I can convince you this idea has merit."_

"_Uh-huh," Castle said. He knew he wasn't going anywhere with this guy. "Mr. Brown, it was a pleasure to listen to your ideas but I really must be going. Like I said, if you would send that manuscript to me at Black Pawn, let them know that I told you to send it to them and they will make sure I get it." Castle wondered if maybe he should send it on to the police, this guy was taking disturbing to a new level._

_At Castle's last sentence, anger flashed through his face but it disappeared. "Okay, Mr. Castle, if you insist. We'll be in touch. I will expect to hear from you."_

_Before walking away, Castle stopped and turned back to the man. "I do have some advice for you now, if you would like to hear it."_

"_Oh yes, please!" He smiled at whatever Castle had to say._

"_Don't underestimate your victim. You would be surprised at a person's ingenuity for trying to save themselves. I myself have managed to dodge many situations with a mixture of luck and inventiveness."_

_When the man didn't answer Castle walked quickly away, making sure Katelyn came with him. He wanted to get her in a cab before he left, just to make sure she didn't get stuck talking to the unsettling Mr. Brown._

Anger rushed through Castle. So he was watching him. Taking his right hand, he grabbed at the camera, and tried to pull it out. Surprising he found it was not wireless. As he started to yank, the cord kept holding it back. Eventually he started pulling harder and with a final tug, he ripped the camera out of its socket and the cord came with it, cutting a thin line 5 feet heading away from the blocked entrance.

Still angry, Castle wrapped the camera in his hand and began yanking harder on the wire. It felt good to destroy something and at least cut off Brown's voyeuristic plans. When the wire made it to the far wall, Castle gave one good yank and down came a big chunk of the wall. Shocked, Castle ran over to it.

Dirt was settling and he coughed a bit as he breathed some of it in. He felt cool air hit him and he realized there was fresh air in that direction. Grabbing the flashlight, he beamed a light into the darkness and was glad it didn't bounce back. Picking up one of the chunks of dirt that had fallen, he tossed it through the hole. Hearing it land, he realized it must be another room.

Taking a few minutes to decide what to do, he grabbed the glowstick and gently dropped it on the other side. It didn't go far, light was emitting enough. Taking the pick, he began working at the hole, making it larger so he could get through it.

Before he climbed in, he grabbed the water and food, stuffing them in his pocket. Jumping up he squeezed himself through the self-made hole, happy to know he could fit into it. "Need to lose weight, MY ASS!" he yelled. He realized his pun and wished someone else was around to hear it.

"Maybe I'll write in for Rook to make a similar comment." He said as he got through the hole. _I'm going to get out of here._

In the next room, it was smaller, about half the size. Using the glow stick, his spirits dipped but he saw another hole at the far end. Walking over to it, he looked through it and could tell it was something he would have to crawl through.

"At least this is bigger," he said. Leaning against it, he wondered if this was really a good idea. Kate and the police would have better chance finding the trail that Brown left behind rather than he would of finding his own way out.

_But Brown could have booby trapped that room. _

Castle sat down, and took out his first water bottle. His pockets were filled to the rim and he decided while he had to conserve water he would finish up the last of this, save the new bottle for later. As he drank he kept staring at the tunnel leading to the unknown. His gut told him he needed to do this, but what if was wrong?

_I myself have managed to dodge many situations with a mixture of luck and inventiveness._

Remembering his own words to Brown, Castle realized he was going to take a chance and go for it. He couldn't just sit there and wait.

* * *

_Reviews?_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
_Again, thank you for the lovely reviews. Poor Castle, he's got such a long road ahead. He could use some help just about now. :)_

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Castle was beginning to regret his decision. The tunnel was long, it felt like it went on forever, and it wasn't like Castle was used to crawling over rough rock. He'd tried to keep the glowstick in his hand but it was proving difficult so he wound up placing it in his teeth. With sweat pouring from his forehead and dripping down into his eyes, he would stop occasionally to wipe his face with his shirt. He'd have to take the glowstick out and take a few breaths too. _Wonder what I look like? Thank God Beckett can't see me now._

He was just about to simply lie down - he had no idea the time or how long he'd even been in the natural tunnel - but finally he came to the end, which opened up to another room. He started to stand but hit his head because the room was maybe only five feet tall. "Dammit!"

Sitting down, he rubbed the part of his head that hit the rock, glad he hadn't jumped up. He knew it was foolish to move too quickly. The cave could have cliffs in it and he'd have met his certain death. Leaning against the wall, he thought about the time he and Alexis had spent the night at a cave.

It had been Cumberland Caverns in East Tennessee. It was something unusual to do and Alexis was on a nature kick. At that time she was thirteen, so he took her and her best friend, Paige, on the trip. They were part of a larger party and the first thing one did was take a walk tour around the large parts of the cave, learning the history. It had been interesting and Alexis had really enjoyed it, but the hard part was going on a cave trip designed for the young and strong. Size was a concern and one couldn't be overweight, as there were many holes to squeeze through. Castle hoped that wouldn't be the case where he was now. He was certainly larger than he used to be.

Taking out some water, Castle drank a sip. The glowstick was growing dimmer and he knew he would have to start using the flashlight soon. He decided he better rest during this time and figure out a way to carry the larger flashlight, which was now in his lap. When he leaned his head back, he thought of a moment on that earlier cave tour where the guide had sat them down. They had squeezed through a narrow opening to get to that spot. The room was about the size of a double elevator shaft and the whole exploring party was shoulder to shoulder.

The guide pointed to the top of the room, which was very far up. He explained that there was a hole up there and about twenty years earlier, three college guys discovered it while hiking. Curious to how deep it went, the boys had come back with rope, flashlights and other material. They drew straws and the one who won got to head down the "well" while the other two lowered him using the rope. Slowly down the cave he went but unfortunately he dropped the flashlight, it breaking on its far fall. Embarrassed to tell his friends he had them keep dropping him until they ran out of rope. They had hoped he would find bottom but it never happened, even though there was a good twenty-five feet of rope. So they went to pull him up.

Unfortunately pulling up twenty plus feet of rope with your friend attached is a lot harder than lowering him. It took much longer than they wanted. They were sweating and the rope was slipping at times. Meanwhile the man hanging was getting tired too. He felt himself slide and since he hadn't properly powdered his hands, he started to slip. He held on for a long time but eventually let go when they were only about seven feet from the top. Hitting the hard rock floor at an odd angle, he was immediately killed. The true tragic part of the story was, if he had not dropped his flashlight, he would have seen when he "got to the bottom" he was only about four feet from the floor.

Everyone had commented on how stupid the boys were, including Alexis and her friend. But Castle had felt himself shiver, realizing at that age you feel invincible and he was damn lucky in his life he had survived even stupider stunts. Nothing was sadder to him than how close the man had been to safety.

Castle hoped he wouldn't make a similar mistake. The glowstick was now useless, so Castle turned on the flashlight and headed forward carefully. He had no idea how large this room was but it was certainly bigger than the last room he was in, since the flashlight didn't extend all the way across. Walking slowly through the beam of the flashlight, Castle eventually came to an edge and peering the light down into it, his body shivered as he realized it was a cliff. Leaning over, he couldn't see the bottom and thought about throwing a rock down. But the dirt below him hadn't supported any weight in so many years, his standing there began to shift and the edge started to crumble.

Scrambling, Castle jumped back, clutching the flashlight in one hand and reaching out for anything he could hold onto. Luckily the floor had only collapsed about a foot and stopped and Castle was now on sturdier rock.

"That was stupid!" Castle told himself.

"You got that right!"

The fact he didn't scream but only yelped was a miracle in and of itself, but Castle dropped the flashlight at the voice.

"What-, who's there?" He thought of that movie _Descent_. Those creatures didn't talk did they?

A laugh came and Castle could almost place it. "It's okay, Rick. I'm here to help. Can't let you die down here, can I? What would Kate do then?"

Finding the flashlight, Castle whipped it around. Four feet away from him he stared at the man sitting down, leaning on a natural corner. He was wearing a jacket, jeans, and looked as clean as if he just gotten out of the shower. But his appearance didn't stun Castle as much as whom.

"Royce!"

" can call me Mike."

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_Thoughts?_


	4. Chapter 4

_Chapter Four_  
_Happy Monday! _

* * *

Castle sat still, unable to move from the sight of the man sitting calmly across from him. Mike Royce was dead. He saw the body, he helped Beckett capture his killer. How was it possible ...

"Am I dead?" Castle asked.

Royce had been watching Castle, an unreadable expression across his face. At the author's question, his eyebrows raised. "Dead?"

"You're dead," Castle said, his mind going a million miles a minute. "So maybe ... oh my God, is this hell?"

Now Royce frowned. "You're not in hell and you're certainly not dead, and I resent the implication I would be in hell, too."

Castle shook his head. "Then I'm hallucinating. I wonder if there are poisonous gases—"

"You're not hallucinating! God, does Kate let you talk this much?"

Castle stiffened at hearing Royce, or whatever this was, saying her name. Taking a deep breath, he tried to scoot away but he had forgotten what made him jump back in the first place. Hearing the ground start to break up he went back to the safety of the rock floor, even if it was closer to the spirit.

Royce moved now and came close to the edge but no sounds of the ground crumbling could be heard when he did. Was he really there? "That's a long way down, Rick. You should be careful."

"Then what are you doing here?"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm here to help you." He moved to a crouched position next to Castle while he clapped his hands together like he was trying to clean off any dirt from his hands.

"Why?"

Royce gave him a look. "What do you mean, why?"

Castle shook his head. "I hardly know, knew, you. I met you like two or three times. Why would you help me?"

"To help Kate, of course!" Royce said. "You can't die on her, Rick. That would kill her."

Castle's heart rate was beating wildly now. It was so surreal hearing Mike Royce talk about Kate like he knew about their relationship. "How would you know? We weren't even together when you were alive."

Royce chuckled, but put his back to Castle and moved forward, out of the view of the light. Castle could only hear him. "I could tell, though."

Castle stared at the darkness that was left now that Royce's image was gone. Did he just dream that? He got his answer. Royce's voice, now distant, pierced the darkness. "Are you coming or not?"

"How do I know you aren't leading me to my death?" Castle looked around. That crumbling floor was the scariest thing he'd seen, excluding the spirit of Kate's former mentor showing up.

"I just told you, that's how you know. Now come on!"

Castle remained sitting, not sure what to do. Royce's final comment made up his mind for him. "Fine, stay there. Just hope the cave spiders don't come for you."

"Cave spiders!" Immediately Castle moved in the direction Royce had taken, though he was careful of where he walked. The light led him along a wall to the right side. With his left hand holding the flashlight, Castle reached out to touch the wall with his right. He hoped that if the ground gave way again he might be able to find some nook to hold onto and keep from falling.

After several minutes - he wasn't sure how far he really went - but the wall met another one. Royce's face came into view and Castle hoped he wouldn't say anything about how the light was shaking.

"If this how slow you plan on moving this is going to take weeks."

"I have to be careful where to step, don't I?" Castle was very close to Royce now and he was tempted to reach out to see if he could touch him, but Castle didn't dare let go of the wall.

The two men stared at each other for a few seconds and then Royce sighed. "You should take some water now. The next part is gonna be hard."

Instantly Castle flipped off the light. Annoyed, Royce asked, "Why did you do that?"

_Because I don't want you to see that my hand is shaking uncontrollably. _ "I don't want to run down the batteries."

Royce sighed again. "Just drink your water."

Castle wasn't going to argue with him but he needed to be careful how much he drank; his throat was so dry right now. Pulling out the bottle, he opened it and drank down a few sips. "I suppose you don't know how long it's going to take me to crawl out of here."

He barely knew Royce, but he could just imagine he had that sarcastic grin now, the one Kate probably thought was sexy. "Sorry, can't tell you that."

"Naturally." A few more sips.

"Be careful how much you drink though, you don't know how long you can go without water."

Castle placed the lid of the water back on and made sure it was in his pocket. "Three days."

"What?"

Wiping the sweat out of his face with his shirt, Castle said, "Three days without water."

It sounded like Royce shifted. "You sure?"

"I did research on it. Derrick Storm is a spy and would need to know these things. I called it the Big Three: Three minutes without air, three days without water, and three weeks without food."

"But that guy gave you some food right? A protein bar?"

But Castle didn't want to eat, he wanted to know about his kidnapper. "So, what do you know of him?"

Castle turned the flashlight back on. He wanted to see Royce's face. Eerily, Royce's eyes didn't adjust like they should now that a bright light was suddenly in his face. "I don't know anything about him."

"Is Kate looking for me?" Castle asked. Could he at least know that?

Royce tilted his head. "You shouldn't even have to ask me that. Of course she is!"

"It's just... I don't know how long before she knows I'm gone. She's busier now and it might be hours before she notices—"

"Hours? Try days. And she's looking hard, you can bet your ass on that."

"Days?" Suddenly Castle felt exhaustion over take him.

Royce shook his head. "Look, don't go to sleep yet. I promise, this one last trip, then you can."

Castle looked past to where Royce was gesturing. Actually, he had to look up. The wall that stood before him was angled slightly and he saw there was enough room to climb. "Um, is there another way out of here?"

"Yeah, but that would be going in the opposite direction."

Castle glared at the spirit. Of course he was right. "I'm not exactly great at climbing up things."

"You can do it."

Castle wished he had that confidence. "How do you know?"

"Because you have no choice."

"What about the flashlight?" There was no way he could hold it and head up the wall. He wished he had another glowstick.

"Put it in your pocket. And don't forget to turn it off. Might as well save the batteries again."

Now Castle laughed. "How the hell can I do this without light?"

"You have me!" Royce said, his hands on the wall now too, ready to climb with him. "I used to be a rock climbing guide back in the day."

"I don't know if I knew that," Castle said, wondering if what he was about to do made those college guys in Cumberland Caverns look like geniuses.

Royce shrugged. "That's because Kate didn't know. Ready?"

Turning off the flashlight, Castle made sure he had it secured in his pocket. Thank God he liked sweats with deep, baggy pockets. Reaching out, he found the wall wasn't hard to grip. It had many niches and areas to grab, at least down here. "I can't believe I'm doing this."

"I can't believe I'm dead, but you accept what fate throws at you."

Hearing the "d" word, Castle began climbing. Not being able to see, he felt like a blind squirrel.

"So you hate Kate's job huh?"

_Is he seriously going to talk to me about that now? _ "I'm kind of busy here, Mike!"

He heard him laugh. "I know, but you were saying Kate was, too. This job is a big step for her!"

"I know that!" Castle snapped. Though talking didn't make it easier, this conversation was starting to piss him off. He moved faster.

"I would have thought you'd be supportive." Royce must have still been right beside him.

Castle kept pulling up, and took a deep breath to answer. "I am! I moved to a whole new city, didn't I? I asked her to marry me, didn't I?"

Royce sounded like he was on the other side of him now, making Castle jump slightly, but he quickly took his left hand and pulled up some more. Royce replied, "Yeah, but it's clear you don't like how little you get to see her."

Sweat was starting to trickle on his forehead but Castle didn't notice, so irritated at the conversation. Hugging the wall, his right hand felt around and found another niche. Pulling up, Castle growled, "I used to see her all the time! We worked together and spent our free time together..." he had to stop talking to take a breath while pulling up again with his left hand. He was taking long stretches as it made it easier to talk. "Now she has very little free time."

"Which upsets you."

"That isn't what upsets me." His toe was caught below him and he was in too awkward a position to bring it up. Eventually he got it free but it slipped some. Finally he got a rhythm going and was moving steadily. He noticed Royce had been silent for a while.

It didn't last long. "Then what does?"

_Son of a bitch!_ "Nothing, never mind." His arms were killing him and he wasn't sure how much farther he could keep going. He also had no idea how high he had climbed. He reached up but hit rock directly ahead. It was like he climbed up into a corner. "Dammit, where have you taken me?"

"It's okay, Castle. Reach behind you." Royce sounded like he was behind him.

"To fall to my death?"

"Rick, if I wanted you dead, I would have just let you fall off the cliff earlier."

_Well, that was true_. Saying a quick prayer, Castle made sure to hug as tightly to the wall as he could with his left arm, then taking his right he reached behind him. His arm extended about two feet behind him before he could feel more wall.

"That's it. Good Rick." Royce said positively. "Now you're going to have to push off with your left arm so you can have momentum to grab with your right, then follow with your left. It's gotta be quick or you'll fall for sure."

_Was he insane? _ "I can't."

"Yes you can, Rick."

He felt himself start to slip and he pulled his right hand back to the wall. "No, see. I'm falling."

Suddenly, Royce was in his ear. "RICK, I NEVER THOUGHT YOU WERE MAN ENOUGH FOR KATE BECKETT. NOW I SEE I'M RIGHT."

Growling, Castle flung himself around. Maybe he could hit Royce before he fell to his death. But the velocity of his turn in air made him hit the opposite wall hard. Instinct kicked in and his hands grabbed the wall. Gravity pulled his body down but Castle grunted as he held on. It hurt like hell.

"Good job! Now, you just have a couple of feet to go."

He swung his legs around but found nothing for them to settle on. The wall must curve away below him.

Royce whispered, "Rick, you can't use your legs, but move your left arm. Your right will hold."

With tears in his eyes Castle did as the spirit said. He found the wall wasn't so much of a wall but a hill at this point. It was leveling out. After his left arm reached out and grasped, Castle took care with his right. Pulling as hard as he can, he alternated arms. Luckily he found it was getting easier and he was able to use his legs to help, until the hill was ended and he was on flat ground. Eventually his whole body was lying on the new floor bed.

Resting, Castle let his muscles finally relax. He almost thought he could fall asleep.

Royce had other plans. "Now what were you saying before? What is it that upsets you about this new job of Kate's?"

Lifting his head up, Castle looked around but naturally couldn't see. Taking out his flashlight he turned it on. Royce was a few feet ahead of him, leaning against another wall. Castle was so tired, but he thought maybe he could crawl a little bit. Within a few minutes, he was now further inside the room.

"So am I directly above where I was before?"

Royce looked around the room. To Castle it was very similar to the other rooms he had been in, except this one was apparently tall enough to let him stand once he had strength for it. "Sort of. You still have a long way to go."

"How deep am I?"

Royce shook his head. "Are you gonna answer my question?"

Leaning against the wall, Castle enjoyed how cool the rock felt against his skin. He wished Royce would go away. Maybe he would if he answered the question. "I get upset because it seems like I'm no longer a participant in her life, just a spectator. And I wish it bothered her as much as it bothered me too."

"You doubt she misses you?"

Turning around, Castle now had his back on the cave wall. He glanced in the direction in which he came. He was fairly proud he was able to do what he did in the dark.

"Castle?"

"I know she misses me, but ... there is a lot to do in her new job - important things to do - and I'm sure she does what she always does: gets herself wrapped up in the case and doesn't think about anything else."

Royce smiled. "Yeah, she was always like that. I used to try to tell her to relax, take a break, go have fun."

Castle shook his head. "It's not in her nature."

"It is now though, since she met you. I saw that at once. It's why I said what I did in the letter I wrote her."

"What letter?"

Royce shook his head. "Never mind. The important thing is, she's lightened up, especially since you two have been together."

Castle shrugged. "I guess."

Royce stared at the writer like he was contemplating something. Finally Castle asked. "What?"

"I think... it's time you should eat some of that protein bar."

Before Caste could argue, his stomach growled. Sighing, he pulled out the first bar and broke it in half. He started to put it in his mouth when Royce cleared his throat.

"What?" Castle said, glaring.

"You should turn off that light."

Oh yeah. "Right."

* * *

_Thoughts? Is Royce really there or is he a figment of Castle's imagination?_


	5. Chapter 5

_Chapter 5_  
_I really do appreciate all the reviews I'm getting. They keep me going (which in turn keeps Castle going)._

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After Castle ate the few bites of the protein bar he had allocated to eat, he waited for Royce to say something. There was nothing but silence.

"You still there?" He heard nothing.

Turning on the flashlight, Royce was there, still sitting where Castle had last seen him. Again his eyes didn't react to a light coming on unexpectedly, but this time he did show surprise. "I thought you might like to get a few hours of sleep. You need rest."

"What I need is answers," Castle growled.

Royce cocked his head. "What answers?"

"How did I get here? Who is this Brown guy? Why is he so focused on me?" Castle shifted so he was facing Royce directly.

Royce shook his head, "Honestly? I have no idea."

"Then why are you here?" Castle asked, frustrated.

Royce stood up. "I told you, to help you!"

Castle glared at him and Royce crossed his arms. "You think you could have climbed up here by yourself?"

Deciding to stand up, Castle rose, but he did so slowly, letting his muscles stretch. It actually felt good. He walked around Royce, studying the room. The room had bigger rocks sticking down from the ceiling so Castle had to be careful, ducking his head around the formations above. Pointing the light around the perimeter, he saw nothing to indicate how to get out of the room. "Well, you seem to have led me up to a dead end."

"Good thing you didn't give up so easily with Kate. You've hardly looked. Look closer."

With his back to Royce, Castle gritted his teeth. "If you know, then just point it out so I can save time."

"Didn't Kate tell you? I was a teacher and you'd never learn if I did that."

Shaking his head, Castle got closer to the walls, examining each crevice he came to. "Or it could be this is what happens with hallucinations. They can't help because they aren't really here."

Royce snorted. "I've been called a lot of things in my time, but not a hallucination."

Castle didn't answer him, trying to concentrate on his task at hand.

After a few minutes Royce continued. "You tend to be someone who believes in the supernatural, aren't you? Or is that just a show to get on Kate's nerves?"

"I'm ignoring you!" Castle whispered. Castle's eyes followed the light, at the base of a corner, he saw a hole, a largish hole, about three feet by three feet. It wasn't a perfect circle, and it didn't go down but through to the other side, wherever that was.

Leaning on his hands and knees, Castle leaned into the hole with the flashlight with him. Would he fit in it? Maybe here but if it narrowed ahead, he might find himself stuck.

A white face suddenly appeared. "BOO!"

Castle jumped back and screamed. Laughter filled the chamber. Now Royce was back in the room, obviously he was having a good time. "Gotcha! Man, you're easy."

"If I'm not in hell, this must be the way." Castle mumbled.

"You know, I really thought you'd be more fun to work with, given how you can get Kate to relax."

Rubbing his face, Castle nearly laughed himself. "She hardly relaxes, even with me."

Royce was beside him now, leaning up against the adjacent wall. "I bet she hated you being around in the beginning."

"Yeah," Castle said. "But she wasn't always serious with you, was she? Some of those stories you told of her, they sounded like she didn't always take herself seriously."

Royce shrugged. "She knew how to get the job done, like when she threatened to flash that guy. Of course it was funny, especially given his reaction and it surprised the hell out of me. But it wasn't something she did very often. And as you know, she really walled up when she got involved in her mom's case."

Castle nodded. "That first time." He didn't like thinking of her back then, so young and with no idea what she was getting herself into. "It breaks my heart to think of her diving in by herself like that."

"Yeah, well, she chose to keep it to herself. I would have helped her if she let me in." Royce was staring at Castle now. "But she didn't, and I didn't push."

"You know, now in DC, when she gets home, we can't talk about her work. Which I thought it would suck and it does because I hate being kept out of any part of her life. On the other hand..."

Royce waited but Castle was deep in a memory. "Yea?" he prompted.

"Because we can't talk about the case, she opens up more. I mean some of it's little things, like what it was like with her parents when they moved to a bigger apartment when she was a little girl. Or how her mom helped her move to the dorm room that one year at Stratford."

"That's great she's talking about that kind of stuff," Royce smiled.

"I wonder if she notices how silent I get during those stories? I love to talk, that's no secret, and I have a story for everything, but when she shares something like that with me... it's overwhelming to listen to because of everything that's hitting me: surprise that she's sharing, happiness that I'm hearing this, sadness that she has such a hard time with sharing at all, guilt that I myself never experienced such heartache even though I'm older than she is." Castle could almost see Kate, sitting in their DC home with boxes around her while unpacking.

"Yeah, I know you are."

Castle glared at Royce. "Shut up. You're older than me."

Royce shook his head, "That's not what I meant. It's just interesting how much a person can go through at a young age. I've been around the block several times before I met Kate, so I know what you mean."

Castle's eyes went back to the corner. They couldn't keep chatting. "So, I have a feeling that's where I need to go."

"I'm afraid so."

Heading back to the corner, Castle kneeled down. "What if I get stuck? This is like Cumberland Caverns but worse because my life depends on it."

"Huh?" Castle glanced at Royce, hoping he'd know what he was talking about. If Royce knew about his past, it was more evidence that he was imaginary.

"So you might want to take that water bottle out. It could get in the way." Royce advised.

Castle laughed. "If the water bottle holds me up, I'm in real trouble." _Am I really going to do this?_

As he began to crawl he heard Royce behind him, "Don't forget to breathe, man."

"Thanks," Castle muttered. _Captain Obvious._

After climbing up a wall, this was easier, at least at the beginning. The floor was not smooth and many points of rock were sticking out, poking Castle. As he had feared, the tunnel grew narrower.

Eventually he wasn't so much crawling as he was pulling himself through the tunnel, and the pointed rocks were scraping him as he went by. At least the air was cool so Castle wasn't sweating nearly as much, though the sweatpants felt heavy.

The end of the tunnel did come though, and Castle breathed a sigh of relief. Carefully he worked his way through it, making sure he had enough room to get out of the hole and stretch out. The flashlight showed him he had exited into a long narrow room, the width being five, maybe six, feet across. The flashlight seemed to illuminate farther than usual but unfortunately he now had a choice. He could either go right or left. Taking a few steps in each direction, it was almost like he was in another tunnel, just larger this time. At least he could stand up.

"Wonderful." Castle griped. It wasn't like he had a map, and if he went the wrong way, he could waste valuable hours - not to mention fall to his doom. "Assuming either direction leads anywhere anyway."

Castle waited for Royce to show up, but the spirit never came. Leaning up against the wall, Castled called out, "Royce? Mike? Where are you?"

Nothing. _Oh come on!_ Even if Royce wasn't real, at least it had taken some of the stress off of his mind if he went the wrong way. Now when he really had no idea which way to go the spirit was gone.

"Figures." Castle said. "I didn't believe for a minute he was real anyway."

"That's not very nice." The voice came from his right. Taking the flashlight, Castle pointed it in the direction. Obviously Royce was still playing games.

"There you are, why didn't you answer?" The spirit was in shadow, even though Castle was pointing his flashlight straight at him. Castle began walking towards him. _Funny, I didn't remember Royce being so tall._

However, a few steps closer and Castle saw he was wrong again. Castle's face first showed surprise at who was in front of him, but then it formed into anger.

Sensing his presence wasn't exactly wanted, the man bowed his head. He smiled sympathetically. "Hey, Castle."

Castle glared at him. "Montgomery!"

* * *

_Review!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Chapter 6_  
_Glad everyone is enjoying the spirits. _

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"Castle?" Montgomery called his name, but Castle was already on his way in the opposite direction. It wasn't like he didn't care for Kate's former boss, he still missed him and had come to consider him as a friend. But to know all this time he knew about Bracken while Kate poured her heart into her mom's file, it was hard for Castle to accept.

"Castle!" Hearing the dead man yell at him just made the author move faster. The tunnel wasn't exactly flat though, so Castle had to look where he was going.

Montgomery was keeping up, or his spirit was, or maybe Castle's mind couldn't let the hallucination go. Castle didn't care about the darkness or the cave, he just wanted to get away from this man. Unfortunately, he tripped and went down face first, landing on the hard cave floor.

Montgomery was beside him in an instant. "Castle, are you okay?"

His hands stung; he had scraped them in the fall. Picking up the flashlight, he looked it over. He should be thankful the fall didn't break it.

"You know better by now it's stupid to run like this, in this cave. You could have ran into a wall or a rock or worse, you could have fallen down—"

"I don't need you to tell me that. I know that!" Castle stood up now.

"Then why did you try to run away from me?"

Castle shifted the light directly at Montgomery, "You know why!" The writer then began to walk, but slower this time.

Montgomery was beside him even though the passageway was barely wide enough to have both men next to each other. "I know it was a shock to you about everything."

"I can't believe you knew the whole time, all those years even before she became a detective, you knew who killed her mom!" Castle spat out the words. He kept walking, not waiting for an answer. He was pretty sure Montgomery could keep up.

He heard Montgomery sigh. "You have no idea how hard it was to keep that secret."

Castle shook his head, "Actually I do. Smith contacted me after he got your package. It was up to me to help keep her off the case."

More time passed as Castle and Montgomery's spirit moved. The passageway grew narrower so Montgomery slipped behind him. It occurred to Castle he didn't hear the spirit's footsteps. _Do they make footsteps?_

"I had to protect her. And you know now what she was up against."

Castle had to twist silently to step around some strange rocks jutting out of the walls. So far there hadn't been a problem squeezing by anything. "Knowing the truth helps, Captain. Knowing the who and the why can help give her the closure she so desperately needed."

"But she wasn't ready for that, Castle!" Montgomery was up ahead now. Castle was going to pass him. "Beckett thought if she knew the killer, she just had to arrest them."

Castle shook his head. "No, she wasn't that naive. She was afraid there wouldn't be enough to hold him or he'd put in a plea where the time he served was nowhere near what he deserved."

"But we'd never get that far with Bracken, especially on what we had. We might have had enough to ruin his career, but only if we made it so far. Bracken had people everywhere, and he'd shut it down before we could get started. Hell, he's so devious he might have spun it to help his career while killing her."

Castle gripped the flashlight hard. He didn't want to agree with Montgomery, but it was true. Castle kept walking, trying to concentrate on the ground before him, being careful to make sure the light illumining the ground didn't suddenly drop off.

It was hard to tell how much time had passed; he just knew he was growing very tired. No longer communicating with the spirit meant Castle was more aware of his body's limitations. He'd been hungry for a long time, but now the thirst was getting to him. He wanted to wait as long as he could though, he remembered some article on Yahoo that said rationing water wasn't necessarily a good idea, but he couldn't remember all the details about it. Still, he felt he should play it safe and wait until he rested. He might have been tired, but he wasn't ready to stop walking.

Soon the tunnel thinned so much that Castle was walking sideways. Then that grew tighter and tighter. Should he keep going or turn back?

As his body was now snug against the two walls that sandwiched him, Castle stretched his arm out and verified the passageway did widen. He started to pull himself but he wasn't making much progress. Shifting, Castle kneeled down as the base was slightly wider. He got his shoulders though but his bottom half wasn't cooperating and remained on the other side.

He was grunting hard and wondered if he now was really stuck.

Montgomery appeared in front of him. The bastard was actually smiling. "You know, I've seen some sights in my day, but this?"

"Shut up!" Castle said, though it was hard effort to get the words out. "I wish you could push me."

"I wish I could too, but on this side …" now he could hear his voice behind him, "it is even more amusing. You know, did Royce tell you about the cave spiders?"

Castle couldn't respond but he wasn't falling for that again. So far he'd seen nothing to indicate …

He felt a slight tickle on his ankle heading up his knee.

With everything he had, he pushed through and he came on the other side. Landing on the ground, he turned quickly, brushing his leg to make sure whatever had crawled up him was gone. "What the hell was that?"

Montgomery was sitting next to him. "Don't know, maybe it was your imagination."

Castle glared at him but he felt like he was sitting in a puddle. Lifting up, he realized the water was all down his side. "Oh no!"

Reaching into his pocket, Castle pulled out what was left of the plastic water bottle, now smashed. "Dammit!"

The flashlight had fallen to the ground so Castle picked it up to see what he had left. There was very little, barely enough for two gulps. Frustration boiled up. Of all the stupid things, he should have jus taken it out before he squeezed through.

"It's okay, Castle. Just a minor setback." Montgomery's voice was softer, trying to calm the writer down.

Castle started to throw the bottle, he was so angry but Montgomery held his hand up as if he was going to touch him. He didn't, but it was enough for Castle to come to his senses. Lifting the bottle over his head, he tilted what was left of the water through one of the cracks and drank. At least it tasted good.

When he was done, he put the bottle down. "I feel weird. I shouldn't litter."

Montgomery chuckled. "Kidnapped, lost in a cave, exhausted, and dirty, but you're worried about littering. You haven't changed one bit."

He almost smiled. It was funny. But he shook his head. "Alexis wouldn't like it. She's the one that got us to recycle and care about the environment. I think one of her classes this semester is on environmental studies."

"How is she doing in college?"

He missed this. He spent more time with Kate or the boys, but Roy Montgomery was someone Castle could speak to about being a father. Picking up the flashlight, Castle went on, the passageway still continued.

"She's doing great. Made Dean's list last year, even when she was kidnapped …" Castle didn't finish. He didn't want to talk about that.

"Yeah," Montgomery's voice drew out the word. If he knew his friend, he could imagine the sympathetic look he gave him. "You doing okay being so far from her?"

Sighing, Castle shook his head while he kept walking. "Not really. Since I don't have much to do during the day while Kate is at work, I think about it more. It doesn't help talking with her either, because then it's like I feel the distance between us."

"Are you talking about Alexis or Kate?"

"God, Roy." That was all he said in response. He wasn't going to get into it.

After some time, his shadow spoke up again. "Do you want to yell at me some more about Bracken?"

In spite of everything Castle snorted a laugh. "No. I know you care—cared about Kate. You protected her the only way you could. And you're right, if she knew about Bracken back then she would have gotten killed."

"I have to admit, I never thought she'd really be able to accept the truth of the situation."

Castle shrugged, "I guess neither did I. But then you were killed, she got shot, everything went to hell in a hand basket."

"She had to hit bottom before she let it go," Montgomery said quietly. "It reminds me of alcoholism."

Castle hadn't thought about it that way. "I suppose, but it's not like there's a support group for your parent was assassinated by a senator and can use the government to cover it up."

"No, I suppose not."

Castle was becoming very tired and he was slowing down considerably. Montgomery had a suggestion. "Why don't you lie down and get some sleep? You've been walking for hours now."

Castle was just about to say he would consider it when he began to slide. The ground was sloping downhill as it had for some time, but suddenly the ground was very slick and due to his lack of strength, he couldn't stop his momentum.

He reached the bottom and dust flew up as he landed. Coughing, Castle looked around but decided he hadn't slid that much after all. He was lucky.

"So how about here? The ground is softer." Montgomery pointed to the dirt.

Castle debated about it, but looked to what was ahead. "The floor goes up now. It's a bit of a steep climb. Not like that wall I went up before, but I'd rather get past this."

Montgomery leaned forward in the direction Castle meant. "Well, at least eat the rest of your protein bar. You're going to need some energy for that."

Castle stared at his friend with amusement. It almost felt like he was really there. But he couldn't be.

Taking out his protein bar, Castle ate what was left of it. It was disgusting by now, but hopefully it could help.

After he finished, he sat for a few minutes contemplating. Eventually he spoke his thoughts. "Your death was so hard on her."

Roy flinched at that. He obviously knew. "I miss her, too."

"What about your family? Do you get to see them?" _If I don't make it out of here…_

It was as if Roy knew what Castle was thinking. "Not in the way I would like. Have you spoken to Evelyn lately?"

Guilt filled Castle. Not in a while, and certainly not since he moved. "Not lately. I did see her at Christmas. Sent her and the kids presents."

"You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to!" Castle said. "I should do more."

Roy regarded him for a moment. "You never think you do enough, do you?"

Glancing at the hill in front of him, Castle said, "I guess I just don't know when to quit."

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_Please review. And to the reviewer who is a guest, I'd like to respond to your comments but you must register so I could reply back. _


	7. Chapter 7

_Cave 7_  
_Thank you for your reviews. Castle is about to undertake the biggest challenge yet._

* * *

It wasn't the steepness of the hill that Castle found difficult, but the rockiness of it. Some of the rocks were loose and he would slip. He would try to rest at times but the formations were so pointed it was too uncomfortable. He began grunting and panting which brought Montgomery's spirit back.

"You okay Castle? You sound terrible."

Castle would have shrugged if he hadn't been working so hard trying to scale the hill. He gritted his teeth instead.

Montgomery went on. "Seriously Castle, I think if you just stop again—"

"If I stop again, I may not be able to start up, and these rocks are too uncomfortable …" The sweat on his face made his eyes burn. It was growing harder to wipe away the sweat. His shirt had grown quite dirty and he had to be careful not to end up with mud in his eyes.

However, now that he was close to the top, Castle paused. Having silenced most of his movements, he heard a sound, a familiar sound.

Forgetting about his sweat, Castle asked. "Do I hear water?"

He could almost hear the smile on Montgomery's face. "I thought that might cheer you up."

With a new found energy, Castle worked to get up the last part of the hill. Yet again he found the top was narrow and he had to squeeze himself through, but emerging he realized he was only feet away from a river.

"Oh my God!" He wouldn't have been any happier even if he came across a room of gold. The ceiling was low, only about four feet, but Castle didn't mind crawling to close the distance to get to the water.

Of course it wasn't actually a river, more like a stream. The water looked fairly clear and setting the flashlight away he reached down and sunk his upper torso into it. It was cool and refreshing and the greatest relief he'd ever felt.

Drinking, Castle came up for air. The water was delicious anyway, but it was a bit too much and he started to cough.

Montgomery chuckled, "You're just like a kid. You practically dive in and nearly drown yourself while drinking. Pace yourself, the water isn't going to suddenly dry up."

"I wouldn't be surprised if it did," he replied, still shocked at his discovery. "It hasn't been quite my week."

Montgomery remained silent as Castle continued to rehydrate himself. Castle's mind went to Kate, imagining telling her this part of his journey through the cave. The thought was bittersweet, since it just reminded him that in all likelihood he may never see her again.

"How long have I been down here? It feels like it's been a year."

Roy gave his friend a sympathetic look. "I know, Castle, but look how far you've come! To be honest, I wouldn't have thought you would have made it this far."

Castle nodded. "Neither would I. Alexis would be shocked, too. She basically pushed me through when we did that cave experience thing."

"Well, you can't stop now, right?"

Castle grabbed the flashlight. Roy was right, and the rejuvenation of the water gave Castle some new energy, though he felt uneasy.

At least, it was obvious which direction to go. The water looked to be coming out of the wall to their right and it would be impossible to go that way. Heading downstream, Castle crawled, glad at least the ground was smoother and softer.

Images of his previous cave experience were now fresh in Castle's mind. There wasn't anything like this in Cumberland Caverns, at least not on the tour they took. The light coming from the flashlight bounced off the water lighting up their way much further away than he was used to. It seemed like maybe things really were improving. Could he be finding a way out soon?

He crawled for a long time, though occasionally he would stop and get some water or splash it over his head to keep cool. Castle knew the average distance a man could walk per hour: 4 miles. What he didn't know was what the average crawling distance per hour was. He swore if he got out of there, he would look it up. And if nothing was found, he would post an official count. He was an expert by now.

Unfortunately Castle's luck began to slow down. After hours of crawling, his arms were about to give out, and Castle realized he was coming to the end of this road.

"No, no, no!" Castle said when he couldn't crawl no more. The water was still going but it appeared to be going under the wall. He had hoped when he got to this part there would be another hole or a ledge he could climb. There was nothing.

"Dammit!" Anger fumed through his body. "I knew this was too good to be true! I shouldn't have come this way, now I'm stuck."

Montgomery was facing Castle, still on the dry side of the tunnel. "You had no choice, and you probably didn't realize how dehydrated you were. You needed this!"

"But what good does it do me now, if I can't leave it?" Castle sat down, leaning up against the rock. "I kept telling myself just beyond that hill, or through that hole, or over this ledge and I'd find some way out. But what if I should have just stayed where I was? For all I know, Kate has already found where Brown dumped me at the beginning of all this!"

Roy shook his head. "Oh, Castle. Don't begin doubting yourself. Not when you've gotten this far."

Castle sarcastically laughed. "Yeah, I'm quite the explorer. 'Look Alexis! Your father has found a dead end!' oh and emphasis on 'dead' is soon to come!"

"Castle …" Roy said.

Castle didn't respond. He glared at the water.

"Castle. You know it's not a dead end."

"How do I know that?" He snorted.

"Because the water is going somewhere."

Castle's face changed. Sitting up, Castle leaned over the ledge, peering the light down. He hadn't thought f swimming but it could be suicide… literally. "We have no idea where that goes!"

Montgomery shrugged. "That's true of every direction you took! Why let this stop you?"

"Because," Castle said, stating the obvious, "I had air before and if this doesn't let me come up for it, I'll be dead within…"

"Three minutes?" Roy said, his eyebrows raising.

Castle glared at him. He had said that to Royce, not Montgomery, so these spirits pushing him along could have been his mind playing tricks. Listening to this advice was even dumber than climbing a cave wall.

"I don't think so."

Roy now looked mad. Getting into "captain" mood, he folded his arms, "Oh, so I guess you'll just sit here and wait for what exactly? Kate to come find you?"

"If I hadn't moved to begin with—"

"Look, Castle, don't go over the what if's. Believe me, they will kill you faster than this cave. You know this is your only option, so jump in and start swimming." He said it so emphatically Castle almost wondered if he suppressed a memory of Roy ordering the team to go take swimming lessons.

Trying to stare the spirit down, Castle eventually said. "How will I be able I see?"

"Take the flashlight. It's waterproof!"

"How do you know that?" Castle asked, now looking at it.

Montgomery came closer. "I used to have one like that myself. Came in very handy when the basement flooded and I had to cut electricity."

Sighing, Castle stared down into the water. This was crazy. The water wasn't going super fast, but if he went only a little way and couldn't get through he would never be able to swim back upstream.

But surviving would be a great story. So of course he was going to do it.

Roy, sensing Castle had made his decision, began bucking him up. "Okay, now, get in the water so you can get used to the current. Don't fight it. Use it to help you swim faster."

Grumbling, Castle did as he was told. It was good advice. The cold water felt so good but he was so nervous he was shaking, or it could be that it was too cold. He practiced taking some breaths at first, and verified the flashlight worked. And the current would help him swim faster, so at least he had that in his favor. He just needed to not think about how it would keep him from coming back.

"Good luck, Castle." The author looked up at Montgomery and even if he was just a dream, it actually felt good seeing him again. Of course, if this was a hallucination, then he was tricking himself into doing the most stupid thing he'd ever done, and that was saying something. Nodding at what he really hoped was Roy's spirit, Castle took the deepest breath he could handle, and dove under the water.

* * *

_Thoughts_?


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
_Thank you to all the reviews. For those asking for Kate's POV, this story is strictly Castle's POV. That doesn't mean Kate won't be in it later, she will. If I get enough requests, I will write her version of this story._

* * *

Oddly, the primary thing on Castle's mind while swimming underwater was how well the flashlight was holding up. If Brown had gone cheap and picked up those two-dollar flashlights in the checkout line he'd have been dead a long time ago. He did his best to release the air he held slowly to give him as much time as possible.

The current helped Castle swim faster but that speed prevented him from seeing if he could come up for air. Aiming the flashlight up Castle's heart sank as he could see the water still went all the way up to the ceiling. Kicking his legs as hard as he could Castle tried to focus ahead of him, willing to see the rock above disappear and he could rise. With all his inhaled air gone, he prayed that he didn't just dive into a watery coffin.

His body was shaking as he went but his eyes grew wide as it looked like the tunnel was opening up ahead. He moved himself towards the surface in the nick of time. His head emerged from the water just as his mouth opened and his lungs sucked in air at record breaking speed. Unfortunately the water was splashing around and he caught some water with the air.

Choking, he reached out with his free hand, his left one, and began grabbing at the side of the tunnel to slow himself down. Once he had, he crawled out of the water so at least his torso was above the water line, his lower part still submerged, but he was too tired to care. Now that he was able to breathe normally, he collapsed to the hard but smooth ground below him, relishing in the simple feeling of breathing in and out. He earned a few minutes of rest.

_Kate smiled at him. She was so beautiful in the morning. He loved waking up with her slowly on her days off, to see her in those rare moments of laziness and vulnerability. She inched closer to him but he heard someone crying at the door. _

_Sitting up, he called out, "Alexis." The door opened and a young Alexis padded her way in._

"_What's wrong, Pumpkin?" he asked when she climbed into the bed. _

_Tears were in her eyes. "You were drowned."_

_Shaking his head, he hugged her, "No I wasn't, sweetie." _

_She stayed in his arms and he glanced towards Kate, but she wasn't there. "Hey, where's your mom?"_

"_She's not my mom!" screamed a very adult Alexis. She was on the other side of the room now. "You left me to move here? Why did you leave?"_

_Getting out of bed, Castle ran to her. "Alexis, I didn't leave you! You're in college now and you said you were fine w—"_

"_Oh, Richard," Martha said. "Will you stop fighting with your daughter and help me make out my will? What if I died tomorrow?"_

_Castle was struck dumb. Not at what his mother was saying, but that she all dirty and sweaty. "What happened to you?"_

"_I'm digging you out of the cave!" she yelled._

_This was ridiculous. "Mother, you can't dig me out of the cave. First of all you don't even know where I am!"_

"_That's because you moved!" Kate said, now behind him. "Now you're going to die and we aren't even going to have your body to bury!"_

"_But…" he hadn't thought of that. "I'm sorry—"_

_Alexis was crying too. "I won't even have a gravestone to visit."_

"_Oh, Alexis, God, I'm so sorry—" He rushed to his daughter. He wanted to hold her, but she was gone. He started running down the hallway. Maybe if he caught a cab he could tell them to stop digging. But when he opened the door, water came rushing out and he went with it. He struggled as it pushed him along. He couldn't breathe. If he could just move up he could get some air but when he opened his mouth the feeling of water came rushing in._

Castle's eyes flew open, jerking his head up, fully intending to try swimming away. His eyes focused on the dimly lit rocks ahead and his memory came back. It was just a dream. He did survive the river.

Pushing up, he flinched as he realized his legs were still in the water. He'd fallen asleep and he had no idea how many hours he wasted. He crawled forward, looking around to get a bearing on where he was. It was odd because there wasn't a lot of light, even with the flashlight on. It was like there wasn't as much power - oh no!

"No! I didn't - dammit, why- why am I making such…" He struggled to speak as he was so overwrought. He had fallen asleep with the flashlight on and now there was hardly any light at all. He probably just lost valuable hours he could have had to go on further but he stupidly succombed to sleep.

He crawled several feet from the water when he came to what felt like a wall. The flashlight only showed him what was a few inches in front of him, like he was holding a candle. Misery swept over him as he realized he wouldn't leave this place. The dream so clear in his mind, he could hear their cries. "I'm so sorry, Alexis. Kate. I'm so sorry. I tried… I really did think I could get out of here."

He turned the light off and then back on, hoping it would produce maybe a little bit more light. But it was just the same, like flicking a lighter. Turning it off again, Castle lowered his head, his face was wet as the tears ran down his face. He made such a mess of things. If he had just stayed where he was, even if he had died, at least they would have his body. Now Alexis wouldn't have a place to visit her father. His mother, too, would feel robbed. How could he have done that? How had been so arrogant as to think he could actually get out of this by himself?

And now Kate would be alone yet again. He had pushed her into this relationship and when she did fall in love he left her too, just like her mother. Would she be able to console herself with Alexis? He hoped she could help his daughter through this so they could get on with their lives.

"I'm so sorry." This was all his fault.

"To whom are you apologizing?"

Castle didn't jump like he had before, but this voice was obviously neither Royce nor Montgomery. It was a woman. "Who are you?"

He didn't bother with the flashlight. What was the point? "We've never met."

Now curiosity got to him. Why would someone he hadn't met show up here? To help him? Turning on the light, he saw her legs about five feet from him. They were crossed and she was sitting facing him. She was wearing slacks, which seemed odd. Castle realized that both Royce and Roy had been wearing jeans. He couldn't remember what they were wearing when they had died. Did that have something to do with what a person wore in spirit form?

_If she was a spirit._

"Can you scoot closer, Richard? I can hardly see you." She was so formal. She reminded him of his mother.

He didn't really feel like it but he maneuvered himself closer, surprised at how hard it was to move. How could he be so tired when he had finally gotten some sleep?

"It's good to finally meet you." She was smiling at him and looked quite sincere.

He stared at her face, her brown hair and makeup looked impeccable, just like he expected, but how could he expect something if he didn't know whom she was? She tucked some hair behind her ear and the gesture reminded him of Kate, but why would—

"Oh my God, you're Johanna Beckett."

She nodded. "Yes. It's nice to finally meet you."

He jerked the dim flashlight away so he couldn't see her anymore, at least not her face. He couldn't be seeing her … of all people. If Kate knew he was having hallucinations of her mother she would kill him.

"I'm not a hallucination, Richard."

Now he brought the flashlight back up. "Aha! You are one! Otherwise how did you know that was what I was thinking?"

She rolled her eyes at him. Good God, could a child inherit gestures? "It's a logical conclusion. Plus you were accusing Michael and Roy of being one."

He wasn't convinced. "Why would you come to see me? Don't tell me to help me. You don't know me!"

"Yes, I do." She leaned her head to the side. "Do you think I wouldn't be watching my daughter? For years my heart ached watching her being a cop—"

"She's a great cop!" He interrupted. "Well, was a great cop, but now she's a great agent. You'd be proud."

"I am proud." She wasn't looking at him now. She was looking into the darkness. "But I don't want her job, whatever her job is, to consume her life. That was my life too, until I met her father."

He didn't say anything to that. Tears were in Johanna's eyes but she blinked them away. She went on, "After I died she never allowed herself to get close to people. It was frustrating to watch.

"Then you came along and shook her whole world up." Joanna smiled at Castle. "I have to admit, I'd never have pegged you to be the man who could get past those defenses of hers …"

"Walls," he corrected.

Johanna nodded. "Right. The point is, she needs you, Castle. I don't want to see my baby hurt again."

Now Castle rolled his eyes. "So what's your solution? I'm about to lose light, having this conversation with you, wasting what little I have left."

"Then maybe you should turn it out while we chat."

Now that surprised him. He expected her to have him get moving using what power the flashlight had left. Deciding to play along, he turned the light out.

Now in deep darkness, Castle listened as the water went past them. "So… you can visit your daughter after death?"

"Thinking about Alexis?"

Damn, she was smart. Of course, a hallucination would know what he was thinking about. "I want to be able to see her again … to check on her. Make sure she moves on after the funeral."

He heard Johanna sigh. "You aren't usually this pessimistic, but I guess given the situation …"

"I think it's time I face reality. I'm going to die down here." It was true, but hearing his thoughts voiced made a chill ran down his spine.

"Katie wouldn't want to hear you say that."

Hearing her call Beckett the same name Jim did warmed Castle. "Alexis wouldn't want me to either, but you can't argue the facts."

She was quiet for a moment, then cleared her throat. "Actually, I think I could argue them."

Again, he laughed. "Now you are acting like Kate."

She chuckled herself. After a moment she asked, "So when are you getting married?"

Oh, this wasn't the conversation he wanted to have. "We … we ha-, didn't set a date."

"Why not?"

Sighing, he resituated so he was lying on his side, suddenly tired of sitting up. "I don't … we had a lot to do moving here. Her new job and the new apartment and packing and saying goodbye—"

"You are serious about marrying my daughter, aren't you?" He could hear an edge to her voice.

"Of course I am! I just …"

"You just what?"

Rubbing his face, Castle didn't hold back. "I just don't know if she's serious about marrying me."

* * *

_For every review, I will give a (small) spoiler to the next chapter. Unless of course you don't want one. :D_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
_Thanks for all the reviews! Glad you like seeing Johanna. I was nervous about writing her._

* * *

At first, Johanna didn't respond to Castle's answer, making his heart sink. Who knew Kate's inhibitions better than the ghost of the woman whose death caused them? They sat in silence while he listened to the sound of his own breathing.

Eventually she did respond. "Richard, I know Katie holds back from you too much and that it's been a struggle. But you have your own faults where she is concerned, primarily in underestimating her feelings for you."

Castle started to deny her statement but he stopped. There was some truth to it. But what was he supposed to think? "Sometimes she makes it so hard."

"I know, dear." She sounded like she really did. "But do you really think she doesn't want to marry you?"

He shrugged but realized she couldn't see him. "When we are together, I can see how much she loves me. She's got this … well these looks, this sparkle in her eyes. God, I love that. Anyway, I remember the first time I saw it. She was seeing this guy, another cop, and she hadn't told me about the relationship. I caught them kissing and she was gazing at him like that. I hadn't seen that before, the look I mean, and it was like a truck hit me, realizing how much I wanted her to look at me the same way. It actually physically hurt once I realized that.

"Over the years I'd see hints of that look directed at me, but because of whatever the circumstances I wasn't completely sure she meant them."

"But now you know she does."

He smiled. "Actually, the looks she gives me make the ones she gave Demming look like she was cross-eyed. I remember the first time she looked at me so strongly, after the bank robbery, and she just looked so relieved to see I was okay. That was before we were together."

Johanna whispered. "You could see it then."

"Yeah, and they just get brighter and brighter. That's why I could wait on hearing her say 'I love you', because those looks said it all." Now his smile fell.

"But?"

"Not a but, just that having the looks on top of the words, God, I don't think heaven could be better than that." Castle's eyes scanned the darkness. "Of course, I don't think hell could be worse than this."

"So tell me again why you would doubt she wants to marry you?"

Castle sighed. "I just—when we are together, I have very little doubt. But she's hardly with me nowadays."

"Because of her new job?" Joanna asked.

He cringed. He felt guilty complaining. "Kate has described this job as a dream job so I know how important it is to her, but every week it seems like I am seeing less of her and less of her. And the pride in me wonders how she can call it a dream job if…"

She finished. "If she sees so little of you because of it?"

He hadn't dared voice it out loud and hearing it said made Castle all the guiltier. "So now you know how selfish I am."

"Oh, Richard," she chuckled, "I don't think you're selfish, at least not where my daughter is concerned. But are you sure she would still classify it as her dream job?"

"Why wouldn't she?"

"Because of the reason you said: she sees so little of you." She said it so matter-of-factly.

He didn't think so. "I don't know. She hasn't slowed down at all. If anything she's sped up."

"You think she's happy about that?"

"Of course not!" He was getting annoyed. And he didn't like he was going to be spending his last hours alive arguing with the ghost of Kate's mother. "Look, I know this is hard on her like it is on me, but she's making a difference out there. She's doing a job which helps save lives. What am I doing? Nothing."

Even though Johanna didn't say anything to that, Castle knew what she was thinking. She started to open her mouth but as if he could see through the darkness, he cut her off. "I know what you're about to say. Maybe that's why I'm so miserable. Maybe that's why I'm so sad. My life revolved around her for years, and with Alexis gone, too, I'm lost.

"You know how stupid I feel? I'm in my forties and I feel like I don't know what I want to do with my life. How pathetic is that?"

"Richard, you're a writer. You help people with your stories—"

"My stories have done nothing to help people! They're just mysteries, and writers like me are a dime a dozen—"

"Your stories helped Kate!" Johanna yelled, her voice echoing off the walls. "They got her through my death."

He was frozen at her words. "Wh— what are you talking about?"

She sounded frustrated now, though if it were directed at Castle's self-depreciating remarks or the fact he didn't know this fact, it wasn't clear. "She was able to get through my murder by reading your stories. That's why she was such a huge fan."

He sat in shock at what she had told him. This couldn't be true. No doubt he was going crazy now that the end had come, and this hallucination was lying to him. "No, you're lying."

"Why would I be lying?"

"Because this—you aren't real. Roy, Royce, and you are all just in my head!"

Now she laughed. He didn't get what was so funny. "Why are you laughing?"

"Of course we are in your head, Richard, but that doesn't make it not real."

That sounded so familiar, but he couldn't place it. Her laughing was pissing him off though, so he turned his back on her. Trying to concentrate and block her out he stared straight ahead, not sure what direction he was looking in.

After several minutes she asked, "Feel better?"

"No!"

"You will."

Now he rolled his eyes. When his eyes looked up, he was struck by the ceiling above him. Apparently it flanked up and he was looking at how some of the minerals in the walls twinkled. Leaning over, he couldn't help but think how pretty they were. Wait, how-

"Hold on, what is that? Why can I see light?" He tried to turn on his flashlight but it wouldn't come on. He shook it desperately, but nothing happened to it. However, the ceiling was becoming clearer. How?

He reached out to hold onto a part of the wall as he stood up to get closer. That's when he realized he could see the outline of the wall before him. It wasn't a wall at all, not a full height one. It went up about five feet and then flattened out. Reaching out to it he could almost see shadows before him. When his hand felt what he thought his mind imagined, he jerked it back.

"I really am crazy!" He turned around to look at Johanna but she wasn't there. He could sort of see where she had been sitting, but she was nowhere around. "Johanna?"

She didn't answer. Castle went back to the half wall. He could swear he could see even more detail than before. It was like light was slowly coming in but how was that possible?

With nothing left to do he waited, watching what happened before him, and little by little he could see more and more. What he was standing in front of actually appeared to be the bottom of a shaft. And with the rays of light Castle knew he was feeling heat.

"Oh my God, it's the sun!" Instantly he went forward. He could see his hands, even the scrapes and cuts on them. His reaction wasn't something he could have ever written. He started to laugh.

Without a moment's hesitation, he started working his way up. This tunnel was different than the ones he worked through before, less rocky, but dirty and softer. He could see plant roots sticking out and attempted to use them to help him up. They didn't hold his weight and would snap and he would fall back. Not undaunted, he just kept climbing. The incline wasn't that steep, and the earlier cave journey had given him so much practice he worked his way up faster than he thought possible. Of course, it could simply be because he now saw a way out and it gave him more energy than a river of water.

Closer he got and he could see sky! The blueness never looked so beautiful. As he got to the mouth, he heard a noise, something he hadn't heard in a long time. Cars! He must be near a highway. When he made it to the mouth, he was so excited he couldn't stop and he went tumbling out, only realizing too late that he came out on the side of the hill.

He rolled down the hill, but the grass was soft and not having to hold onto a flashlight anymore he was able to get in control quickly. Sitting up, he was beside a highway! He had no idea where he was, but the cars were driving by him. Surely he could flag someone down.

Taking it slowly - he didn't want to wind up emerging from the underground only to fall into the path of an oncoming truck - he made it to the side of the road. Waving his hands, he jumped up and down, screaming for help. Castle knew he must look like a lunatic but he didn't care.

People honked, which frustrated him, but he kept jumping and screaming. Eventually someone would either stop or even better, call the police. He just needed one person.

* * *

_I admit it. I borrowed (paraphrased) a line from Harry Potter. If you want to guess which one in your review, I can give you another spoiler to the next chapter._


	10. Chapter 10

_Chapter 10_  
_Loving the reviews. I really hope you guys are happy with this chapter._

* * *

What Castle was experiencing was maddening. He couldn't believe he had gotten this far only to be stuck at this point. In all his novels, he'd never considered that the hero would not be believed to be an actual possibility.

While on the side of the highway it hadn't taken long for a police car to show up. He was so happy to see them. Apparently though they thought he was a vagrant who risked jumping in front of cars and risking motorists.

"I'm Richard Castle!" he exclaimed. The cops looked at each other. Castle could feel his heart sink.

One of the policemen, a heavy set guy, asked, "You're the guy who's missing?"

He couldn't help it, Castle smiled at that. It was probably all over the news he had been kidnapped. "Yes, yes! Oh, thank God. I need you to take me to Kate Beckett, she's with the—"

"I'm sorry, s-sir," the other officer stumbled over his words. "Do you have some ID?"

"What?" Castle asked first. Glaring at them, he went to reach for his wallet, only to find he didn't have it. "Oh, crap, I must have left it in the cave." He realized he hadn't picked it back up when he started.

The second officer snorted. "The cave, huh? You know that's where Mr. Castle is?"

Surprise made him forget his agitation at not being believed. "Oh, did they find where Brown put me?"

"Who's Brown?" one officer asked. The other looked Castle up and down but remained silent.

"The guy who…" Castle sighed. This was ridiculous. "Listen, if you would just call Beckett, I'm sure you will get the confirmation you need."

"Think we have that number, buddy?" They were obviously sheriff's deputies, though Castle wasn't sure which station. The older one stood up and turned his back, reaching to his radio mic and calling dispatch. Castle hoped he was calling the authorities of the people in charge looking for him, but instead he was asking for a van to be brought.

"A van?" Castle asked.

"You're not getting in our nice clean squad car."

The other officer looked him up and down. "How long have you been sleeping out here?"

"I HAVEN'T BEEN-" Castle started but he had to stop. He wouldn't get anywhere if he yelled at them. "I emerged from the cave Brown threw me in. The opening is over there."

They didn't seem convinced and neither looked where Castle pointed.

Castle looked around, wishing he knew where he was. They weren't DC police, and Brown probably took him out to some rural county for all of this. "Look, just take me to the site where they are looking for me! Someone is going to identify me."

"That's 40 miles away," the officer said.

"FORTY MILES?" Castle was shocked. He couldn't have walked that. How was that possible?

The younger officer smiled as if Castle was seeing reason. "So you see, you can't be the missing guy. You must have seen it on the news and gotten confused…"

"Oh, for the love of God,." Castle said, angry. "I AM RICHARD CASTLE!"

The men almost laughed out loud and Castle felt more like crying now than he did before. Waiting a few minutes, Castle thought about the forty miles and realized they were talking about highway travel, which probably curved around the natural hills and forests. Since he had been underground, he probably traveled a straight shot, though he still had to go a long path.

"Listen," Castle said, "if I give you a phone number, will you call it?"

The men looked at him. "A random phone number? No."

"I know my daughter's phone number by heart, she could-"

They shook their head. "We don't know if it's who you say it is."

Sitting back, Castle figured it out. "Ok, have dispatch call the 12th precinct in Manhattan. You guys could do that. Hearing another cop validate me would convince you right?"

They didn't move and Castle was getting desperate. If he could just reach Esposito or Ryan he'd be believed.

"Don't you guys have a cell phone? I know that number from memory too. The main number, that isn't something I can fake."

The officers looked at each other. The younger one said, "How would he know that number?"

"It's a public number, isn't it?"

The younger one pulled out his cell phone. The other man shook his head but the younger man shrugged. "We're stuck out here waiting on that van. This might be funny."

If Castle wasn't so tired he'd probably have hit the officer, but then he'd be on his way to jail. Clearing his throat, he told the other man the number and the officer dialed.

Someone picked up on the other end and apparently sounded official because the officer stood up straighter, surprised that Castle got the number correctly. "Yes, this is Deputy Robertson of Tripp County Department. I'm trying to reach Officer..."

He looked at Castle for a name so he said, "Detective Kevin Ryan, homicide." _There may be two murders out here on the highway._

"Detective Kevin Ryan in homicide." The person on the other line declined. "He's not in yet."

Crap! It's so early, Castle had forgotten that. "See if Detective Javier Esposito is in?"

Deputy Robertson repeated the second name but shook his head as he wasn't in yet either.

Looking up at the sky, Castle made one prayer. There was a chance she was there. "See if Captain Victoria Gates is in."

While Robertson asked, the older guy chuckled. "A homicide Captain is going to confirm your story?"

"If she's in, she will." Or at least, Castle hoped so. She wasn't exactly his biggest fan.

"Oh, Captain," the deputy straightened up and Castle felt hopeful. She was there! "I'm sorry to disturb you, Ma'am. But we found this man on the high-, oh sorry. My badge number is 52563 and I'm with the Tripp County Deputy Department in Virginia. Yes Ma'am, I know I'm a long way from Manhattan, but I found this vagrant who insisted we…"

Castle almost felt sorry for the deputy. Reaching out his hand, he said, "Give me the phone."

At first the deputy shook his head but as Gates started laying into him for not following protocol he soon gave up. "Ma'am, he -this person - wants to speak to you."

Taking the phone, Castle took a breath. He wondered if she had been glad when he moved with Kate. "Sir? Can you tell these idiots that I really am Richard Castle so I can get back to my family?"

Gates didn't say anything at first and Castle got nervous. Surely she knew his voice. When she did speak it was shaky, which wasn't like her. "Mr. C-Castle? Is it really you? Where are you?"

"In Virginia, it seems. I-I don't know exactly where. I've been in a cave."

"They said you were dead."

Now Castle's heart nearly stopped. "What?"

"They haven't found a body but-, my God, I can't believe it. It is you, isn't it?"

Castle could hear the relief in her voice and it made him smile in spite of the bad news. "The one and only." Then he remembered whom he was speaking and added, "Sir."

"Put the deputy back on."

Giving it back to the deputy, Castle didn't have to strain to hear Gates going off on the deputy and within seconds the other one was calling dispatch asking for an ambulance. Castle shook his head. He didn't need an ambulance. He just wanted to talk to Kate and Alexis.

Castle had managed to talk them out of waiting on the ambulance but they insisted on taking him to the nearest hospital to be checked out. After all, Gates was involved and that was protocol. Castle did feel sorry for the young deputy now. When he finally got off the phone with the Captain he was near tears and his hands were shaking. The older guy had to drive.

The younger man held up his phone. Apparently Gates was going to text him Beckett's number so he could call and Castle sat nervously. Kate had a new cell phone because of her job so Gates was going to have to look the number up, and while they waited Castle thought about what he found out: they thought he was dead. Why did they think that? And if that was the case, no wonder the deputies thought he wasn't really himself. How could it be confirmed?

He was just about to ask them when Robertson's phone as Gates' text came through. He was about to dial but Castle stopped him. "Let me, please?"

The officer handed him the phone and Castle was glad to see he could just press the phone number. He was a little nervous to dial out the digits. Listening to the phone ring he hoped she would pick up. God, surely they just worried he was dead. Hopefully they didn't believe it.

"Beckett!" Her voice was abrupt but it was like music to his ears.

"Hey, Beckett." He almost asked if she was busy, but if he was presumed dead this wasn't the time for jokes.

There was silence on her end and he was afraid the call had been dropped. "Kate, are you there? It's me. Castle."

"Castle?" He couldn't see her but the ache in her voice nearly killed him. "What—how—"

"I made my way through the cave. I think you found the cave. At least, that's what these guys are saying." He blinked back the tears in his eyes. He really had made it.

He heard her talking to someone in the background. Oh, it was his mother! That meant Alexis was around, too. God, they probably all thought he died. "Kate, I'm okay. They are taking me to the hospital, but I'm okay. I had to get in touch with you."

"Where? Where are they taking you?" She sounded so excited now. He could tell she was running around.

"Um, where am I going?" He repeated what they said back to her. "Tripp County Hospital. Corner of Highways 32 and 35."

He knew Beckett well enough to know she was trying to suppress all the emotion she was feeling so she could concentrate on how to get to him. "That's … that's far from us. But we are going to leave the next few minutes and go straight there so don't leave."

He smiled."I won't."

"You are okay, you said? This is just a formality, right?" She was whispering.

"Yes. I didn't want to go at all but they insisted." He could hear her intake of breath she couldn't hold back. "You're crying, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not crying! I just … um, Alexis is here. Do you want to talk to her.?" Her voice was cracking and Castle wished he could hug her, but he so very much wanted to speak to Alexis.

Alexis came on, her voice strained. "Dad? Is it really you?"

"Yes, Pumpkin. You came down here?"

Alexis' reaction to hearing Castel's voice must have been the confirmation Martha needed to believe he was all right, because he could hear his mother's voice in the background. Then she came on. "Richard? Thank God, they found you!"

Hearing his mother's voice made Castle feel like a small boy again. "Actually I found them, Mother. Took a little while to get them to believe who I was." The older deputy ducked his head at Caste's statement. "I didn't know I was thought dead."

"Oh, don't be so dramatic! I never thought you were dead at all!" Castle smiled, her words actually confirming she'd been worried sick and believed the worst

He went along though. "Well, glad you weren't fooled. Is Alexis still there?"

"Yes, darling. Here you go!"

"I'm sorry, Dad. I'm a mess right now. Hearing your voice like you haven't been missing for days I got …"

Hearing her words he shook his head even though she couldn't see him. "It's okay, sweetie, and you're going to see me soon at the hospital. If I know Beckett she's already got the car and is waiting for you and Gram to get in."

Alexis laughed and Castle reveled in the sound he thought he would never hear again. "You know her so well. We are leaving like…" She cut out and Castle realized the cell phone service was losing them.

"Alexis? Can you hear me? I think we will be cut off but I'll see you real soon, or as soon as you can get here."

"'…at least two hours… Dad…. dammit, stupid…"

Castle grinned hearing his daughter curse. She so seldom did. He didn't dare hang up. He wanted to hear her voice as long as possible.

The call was cutting out more and more. But before it finally ended he heard Alexis say, "Oh, and Beckett is crying, Dad. She is so happy—"

Now he was crying too. The call finally dropped and he looked at the dark screen.. "So am I."

* * *

_Finally! Reviews? _


	11. Chapter 11

_Chapter 11_  
_Sorry this was later than usual_

* * *

_Richard Castle has been found but the authorities will not share with us where or in what condition he is. Apparently his family is en route as we speak. Five days ago, Richard Castle was kidnapped by the unstable Clayton Smith, who committed suicide in his cell three days ago. The well shaft where it was believed Mr. Castle was left by Mr. Smith had collapsed two days ago and it seemed unlikely he had survived the event …_

"I think you've watched enough of that, Mr. Castle," the nurse said, then switched off the TV.

Without the TV blaring at him, Castle checked the window. The hospital staff told him it was actually going to take Beckett and his family longer to get to the hospital in Tripp County, assuming they had been at their DC house, but he had plenty to do. They had checked him out thoroughly. They were mostly concerned about possible chance of infection, as well as his exhaustion and lack of nutrition. They were looking for traces of bacteria, most likely picked up in the stream of water in which he had swum.

Now he was being seen by the doctor on staff, Dr. Nylund with Nurse Sofia. They wanted him to be hooked up to an IV and remain in the hospital to wait on the tests.

"Doctor, I feel fine except I'm tired and hungry."

"We can't let you just start eating after you've gone for so long without food. Plus we need to wait for your tests…"

Castle sighed. "You took blood and I've peed in the little cup. I don't see why you can't just phone the results to me later."

"Mr. Castle—"

Castle shook his head, "Look, what about a shower? There is one in that exam room over there. I'm dying to get out of these clothes - which you can burn."

The nurse nodded. "Mr. Castle, in cases such as these we need to check you out thoroughly."

"You've already done that!" Castle nearly shouted. His patience was running thin.

A man in a business suit suddenly ran up, smiling and looking very excited. "Mr. Castle! I'm Samuel Devereaux, the hospital administrator, and let me just say we at Tripp County Hospital are pleased to know you came here to be checked out after your, ah, your ordeal."

"Thanks, but it's not like I had much choice," Castle replied. And he wouldn't characterize it as a hospital. It was closer to a large clinic. There were very few patients even though it was the weekend.

The man wasn't being deterred that easily, "Nevertheless, we want to make sure you receive excellent care here and once you get home and are interviewed, if you happen to mention that you found superior care—"

"For God's sake, Sam! This is not a marketing opportunity!" The doctor's attitude clued Castle into what kind of administrator Sam is.

The nurse seemed to know how to handle the man better. "We were just trying to let Mr. Castle see how important it was he remain at the hospital while he waited on the tests, which probably will take overnight."

"Ah, yes," Sam said, shaking his head. "We'll make sure you are very comfortable while you are here."

Taking a long breath, Castle asked, "Do you think I could get a shower then?"

Sam cocked his head. "Shower?"

Dr. Nylund explained, "Mr. Castle needs to understand that his body is past the point of exhaustion and he really needs to lie down."

Castle's eyes never left Sam, and he knew exactly how to handle the situation. "Look, Mr. Dev—"

"Sam! You can call me, Sam, Mr. Castle."

Castle smiled. "And you can call me, Rick. Let me just say, if I could take a shower in the next ten minutes, I will donate $10,000 to this hospital. You have two other witnesses."

Sam took all of five seconds to consider it. "Rob, honestly I don't know how it could hurt to let the man take a shower. He obviously needs one."

The doctor looked angry but decided to go along for now. "Fine, but Mr. Castle, it needs to be short and I will have someone stationed to check on you. And when it's over you're going to get into bed and have an IV put in."

Feeling like he had a small victory, Castle answered, "Fine."

He walked to the exam room, hearing the two men argue about his case behind him.

Castle wanted to feel the running water from the shower head for a long time but he heard someone knocking at the door warning him he needed to get out in five minutes. Sighing, he shut off the water. Hospital showers were fairly small but this hospital was a bit larger, probably because they didn't try to pack so many beds into one floor.

Taking the towel he dried himself off and though he hated to do it, put the hospital gown on his body. It would have to do for now but maybe he could talk someone into buying him some real clothes in the gift shop, if there was a gift shop. Leaning against the sink, he was pleased to see they gave him a toothbrush and paste so he immediately brushed. This required him to do the one thing he'd been avoiding: look in the mirror.

He had a beard by now and in it there were patches of it gray. He'd caught some of the coverage of his kidnapping on the hospital's TV in the waiting room and they were using a standard picture. Even now after his shower, he looked nothing like himself, his face was thinner and he had dark circles under his eyes. He really probably owed those cops an apology because he wouldn't have recognized him either.

He leaned down to spit out the toothpaste but in doing so, a wave of dizziness hit him and he had to drop the brush and hold onto the sides of the sink. His legs were tired and suddenly didn't feel like they could support him. "Uh-oh, I guess this is what Nylund was talking about."

He managed to get the bathroom door open but when he tried to walk out he nearly fell down. Luckily someone was there to catch him.

Castle felt strong hands on him and the man, whomever he was, whispered, "Careful, my boy. Lean on me and we'll get you to the bed."

"Thanks," the author replied, embarrassed he suddenly couldn't walk.

When he got to the bed he climbed in, thankful that Alexis wouldn't see him like this.

Situating himself, Castle looked at the man who helped him, but he had turned away, taking the chart at the end of the bed. Not sure what to say, Castle decided to ask for his next item of business. "Um, do you think I could get a razor and shaving cream? I'd love to get rid of this beard before my family shows up."

The man chuckled but didn't turn around. "You couldn't get from the bathroom to the bed by yourself. You really want to try shaving?"

Something in the man's tone made Castle study him, there was something familiar. The man was older with white hair, but looked like he was in great shape. He wasn't wearing a hospital uniform, just a suit. "I'm sorry, who are you?"

Turning to face Castle, he answered but the sight of him was enough for Castle to remain speechless. "Jackson Hunt is the name I like to use."

"Dad?" Castle's couldn't be more shocked. "Are you real? Is it like the cave?"

"What?" Hunt walked closer to him. "What's like the cave?"

"No, it couldn't be, you physically helped me to the bed"

Hunt sat down facing him. "Son, are you okay? The file here says you were checked out but I'm starting to worry—"

"No, no I'm fine, I promise." Castle responded, hoping he hadn't said too much. He couldn't believe he was seeing his father again. "What are you doing here?"

"You were kidnapped, Rick! I told you I'm always there for you."

Castle felt emotion overcome him but he willed the tears not to appear. He did not want his dad to see him cry. "Did you help with the investigation?"

The older man shook his head, "They didn't really need me but I would have helped if they did." After answering Castle, he put the chart away.

"Do you know what happened? This Clayton Smith, he told me his name was Brown."

Hunt nodded. "When he met you months ago. Yeah, they found all that."

"So what can you tell me?" Seeing the summary on the news, he was so curious about the real story.

"Well, when Beckett got home, to your home, she knew immediately you were gone because Smith made sure she did. He had used your keys and had your phone along with a note saying you were kidnapped and would never be found."

"God," Castle said, Beckett must have gone nuts. "He was convinced he had the perfect murder."

Hunt nodded. "Oh, he thought he did. Smith was sure that while you would be eventually found, they'd never be able to trace it back to him."

"How did they?"

"First, Kate had to call her boss and the team was brought in. You see, now that you are engaged to a high ranking official of the justice department, it was important to verify your kidnapping was not related to the cases she had worked on."

Castle's eyes widened. He hadn't even thought of that.

Hunt shook his head letting Castle know it wasn't a huge worry. "They were able to dismiss it very quickly. Smith's biggest mistake was sending a manuscript to Black Pawn outlining this very plan."

Castle cringed, remembering that time he met Br - Smith. "Right. He wanted me to read it when we met, but to get rid of him I told him to send it to them first."

"They document this stuff, you know," Hunt said, "to protect themselves. They don't want to be accused of plagiarism so they have to be careful. Katelyn Bennett, the lady who came to help you with the publicity event, she had flagged the file because she remembered a 'Mr. Brown' who was in your face at the event about reading his work. Brown used the same pseudonym."

"He wanted me to read it, so he would've had to."

"Strangely, he put down a PO Box, in the name of Brown. Now when it became clear you didn't read his manuscript he stopped paying for it, but the video surveillance of the files went back that far. They got his picture from it."

Castle leaned back. "Did they post his picture?"

"I think Beckett used a Federal facial recognition system. He worked for the county at some point, and so it found a match."

"Thank God," Castle shivered. "What about the cave? They keep calling it a well."

"Right. Smith's job was as a land surveyor and he did all of the properties in this county and the next. He knew of that old well shaft. It started off as a water well, but it dried up and during prohibition they used it to keep moonshine, digging out that room where you started off."

Castle's eyes lit up. Prohibition! How interesting. "Wow, I didn't see any evidence of that."

Hunt shrugged. "That was a long time ago. They probably stopped using it fifty years ago. Smith knew about it and knew he could use it. His initial plan was to put you down there and watch you as you were trapped. He didn't think you could get out."

"He sealed it with some sort of foam stuff. Like they use for insulation." It felt like such a long time ago.

Hunt nodded. "That actually did seal you up pretty good. But what he really expected to happen, which it eventually did, was to trigger a cave in. Burying you alive, so to speak."

"What?"

"That land is public property, but it had been ideal for four wheeling and hiking. He planted trip wire that set off charges so if someone came close, the ceiling would cave in on you. And it would have worked too," Hunt's look softened, "if you had remained where you were."

Castle shifted in the bed. He didn't want to think about it. "Yeah, well, I'm not one for sitting around waiting."

Now his father echoed his earlier sentiment. "Thank God."

The two men stared at each other a full minute. When the silence became uncomfortable, Hunt straightened up. "I am going to have to leave now."

"Oh, really? Couldn't you stay until everyone gets here? I'd love you to meet Alexis. She asked me so many questions about you!"

Emotion flickered on Hunt's face but within a second Hunt had masked it. "I'm sorry. I can't. The nurse will be back to put that IV in you and I'm sure Beckett will be here very soon."

Castle watched as the man went to the door, but before Castle could stop himself, he shouted, "Wait!"

His father turned but Castle realized he had nothing really to say. "Thank you for coming!"

Hunt smiled. "Always."

* * *

_Next chapter, we see his whole family show up. I promise._


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

_Here you go. I know you've been waiting a long time for this reunion!_

* * *

"Agent Logan, I think you should leave. Mr. Castle is looking really tired." Sophia the nurse told the agent, since Castle didn't know how many more questions he could answer.

The agent had gotten there and explained that he was at the well site, which was only about ninety miles away, versus coming from DC, which was twice that distance. He longed to see Kate, Martha and Alexis, but now he was hardly able to keep his eyes open, even though he was lying down.

The agent had come in and started off with routine questions. Castle didn't think it would take that long, but an hour later he was so glad to see Sophia he almost kissed her.

The agent wasn't arguing. He put his pen and pad away. He looked at Castle one last time before walking out. "Mr. Castle, I stopped and looked in the hole you came out of on the highway. I have to say, I saw the crater that was created over at Lynn's Meadows, the fact you came in one side and out the other, it's extraordinary."

Caste wasn't usually humble but he couldn't help was used to using that word to describe Beckett. "Lynn's Meadows?"

"Oh, that's the name of the area you were, um, left in." With that the agent left.

His words sunk in while Castle sat alone in his room. The impact of what he had fully accomplished hadn't set in yet, and the time it took him wasn't something that registered. He only knew it was five days earlier because the agent had told him. He went on to tell him some other details he already knew from his father, but he tried to act surprised at hearing the information the second time. It would be too complicated to explain who Jackson Hunt was.

The agent had asked how he got through the cave. The camera Castle had torn out had recorded his early movements, so it was verified Castle at least had been down there at the beginning. No one dreamed he had managed to get out of there before the room collapsed. Apparently some kids had been joy riding on four wheelers and tripped the charges. They were lucky they weren't directly over the spot since they probably would have been killed going down.

Castle told Agent Logan as much as he could remember from pulling the camera cable, which revealed the start of his journey to the sunlight streaming from the sunrise that morning. Of course, Castle didn't reveal the people who were with him during that time. He was so tired he was worried he would slip out one of their names, but luckily that didn't happen. Castle wasn't even sure if he should tell Kate, mainly because he didn't know what to think about seeing Johanna. Kate was so protective of her life back then and he felt like he had stolen some memories from hers. He wanted to be careful on how to handle it.

His eyelids were growing heavy and he almost gave into sleep but noises out in the hall got his attention. He heard steps of people who sounded like they were running and before he could call out, the door burst open and in came Alexis, Martha, and Beckett.

Alexis threw herself at him and Castle was happy to have her, except he had a face full of red hair. She was still crying and he wondered if she had ever stopped after his phone call to her. "Dad, I thought we'd never get here. It took forever."

He heard Martha's voice in a gentle tone, "Now Alexis, sweetie, he's not going anywhere. Give him a chance to breathe."

"Oh," she said, and her arms released him. She stepped back and his eyes followed the women: Alexis was in front, his mother next to her, and then Kate standing at the foot of the bed. The brunette didn't say anything, but Castle's eyes traveled down her form and he saw how she was gripping the bed brace very strongly. She was doing her best to hold it together.

"I'm so glad to see you. I'm sorry I worried you." He flinched at the lameness of his words.

Martha put her purse down to his side, and she leaned into him. "Oh Richard, darling, couldn't they have given you a razor? You look so unkempt."

Normally her typical Martha reaction would have annoyed him, but now it just felt so comforting. "Sorry Mother, there wasn't time to stop at a barber shop before coming here."

"Well, no matter, we'll make sure to get you some supplies so when you leave here you won't look like Grizzly Adams."

She stepped aside and he had a clearer line of sight to Kate. She now approached him, almost shyly. "When did they say you could get out of here?"

"Oh," he forgot he was supposed to be annoyed at being forced to stay at the hospital, but the bed felt so good he really didn't want to go anywhere. "They wanted to have me take tests, make sure I don't have any infection—"

"Infection?" both Alexis and Kate repeated simultaneously.

"Just a precaution. I have been underground for a few days and might have picked up some unwanted bacteria or something."

Martha had moved to the other side of the bed. She was nodding along to his statement like she had visited cave dwellers for years. "Yes, you can never be too careful. When will we know you're clear?"

"Hopefully tomorrow."

Kate mouthed the word 'good' but she voiced no sound. Now that she was closer Castle could see plainly she had been crying and she looked even more exhausted than he felt. He longed to hug her.

Alexis pulled up a chair and sat down, noticing his hands. "God Dad, look at your hands."

He had become so used to them he forgot what they must look like the first time. "Yeah, they put some medicine on them before and after they let me shower."

"They let you shower?" Kate asked. She looked like she had a million things to say.

"Well, they were wary of letting me do even that, but I offered to make a generous donation to this clinic. Please, will one of you remind me later?"

Martha smiled, glad to have something practical to do. "I'll make a note."

Castle's eyes went back and forth from Kate to Alexis. Alexis's expression began to change from relief to concern. "What's wrong, pumpkin?"

"Nothing," she didn't get into it. Then suddenly she changed her mind. "Dad, you have a lot of gray hair."

Maybe he should have found a barber. "Yeah, well, that's from being underground too long."

"What?" Kate asked, her voice rather hoarse.

Taking a breath, he tried to explain, "When you go days without sunlight, your hair and skin can change color. Some people have emerged from being trapped in caves with completely white hair. Remember, Alexis, we learned that at Cumberland Caverns."

Alexis laughed, "Dad, that was one guy who came out after being trapped on the edge of a cliff like, for weeks. And it wasn't because of lack of sunlight. It was due to shock and stress and oh, I forget the disorder. It's caused by the loss of melanin … but I doubt it happened to you. You stopped letting that one day stubble happen because you saw gray h—"

"SSSSHHH!" He checked the door to make sure a nurse wasn't coming in. "And that isn't true."

The expressions on his three favorite women told him they believed otherwise. "Fine, but it's going to be gone before I leave here."

"What is the IV for?" Kate pointed to the device.

"Oh, they are giving me something to help supplement the missing nutrients of my body. They aren't letting me eat very much. I had some water since being here but only a small amount. I keep asking for more, but Nurse Ratchett won't budge."

"Nurse Ratchett was over a mental hospital, Dad. You're not there," Alexis said dryly. "Yet."

He grinned. It was a good sign she was joking. Kate still looked humorless and he remembered how they all thought, at least for some time, he was dead. "Listen, I'm so sorry about what you guys went through, believing me to be … I can't imagine how that must have felt."

Martha rubbed his shoulder, 'We're just glad you're back, that's what is important."

He smiled at his mother and everyone smiled back. His head dropped and Kate responded. "You need to rest, Castle, God, how long has it been since you slept?"

"I slept this morning!" He didn't add he was half submerged in water. "Besides, you just got here."

"No, Dad," Alexis said, pursing her lips. "Lean back, you can barely talk to us now."

"I just …" he scooted down so he could be more comfortable. "Okay, but just a little while. I worked really hard to get back to you." He was asleep before he said the word back.

Opening his eyes, Castle noticed sunlight was still streaming through the windows. Castle figured it was later in the day, probably afternoon. Looking around, Kate was sitting on the other side of him. He didn't know where his mother or daughter were.

"Hey!" The smile she gave him would have been bright enough to light up that cave.

"Hey yourself," he said. "Where is everyone?"

"They went to get breakfast."

"Breakfast? Did you skip it when you came here? Must be sort of late to have that now."

Kate's slightly frowned, "Castle, you've been asleep for almost eighteen hours."

His smile faded. "I haven't!"

"Yes, you have. The doctor said it was good for you, that your body was recovering on its own."

He sat up. It was hard to believe so much time had passed. He honestly felt like he just closed his eyes. "Wow, that's so weird. Um, what have you been doing this whole time?"

Kate reached for his hand and absentmindedly stroked him arm. "Well, Martha went to the store and got us some things. We ran out of the house so fast we didn't take any overnight clothes."

"You all slept here?"

"We didn't really sleep. We took turns on the couch in the waiting room." Kate brushed hair out of his eyes.

"You didn't have to do that. You could have taken a hotel room or …"

Kate leaned into him where he could feel her breath on his cheek. "Castle, we weren't about to go too far from you."

"Oh." His mind went blank with her so close. She leaned in closer and their lips brushed, then again. She started to pull away but he reached for her cheek and brought her back. This time it was a real kiss, though gentle and soft, he could feel the stress of the last few days leave him by its power.

When she broke away, he was surprised again at the tears in her eyes. "Don't cry. It's okay. I am so sorry…"

"For what?" Kate said, she reached up and took his hand off her cheek. She turned it and kissed the back of it. "You're not responsible for a crazy, psychotic fan deciding to make you his victim."

Castle found it hard to concentrate when Kate resumed her kissing. "Yeah, well, I probably should have told some people. He gave me the heebie jeebies and I should have sensed …"

She shook her head. "No, Castle, I don't want you dwelling on that. You got out alive; that is the most important thing."

He couldn't argue with that. "I guess. I just … it seems so obvious now, I suppose."

She didn't respond, but kept holding his hand. Castle was content watching her hold his hand. He could do that the rest of the day. "It's gone public that you went through an undocumented cave."

"They going to name it after me?"

The look she gave him told him it was too soon to joke. "It's gotten the interest of some national organization in charge of documenting caves. But first the FBI thought they would try to retrace your steps from where you ended up."

Castle's mouth dropped., He hadn't thought they would do that. "That isn't a good idea. I mean, unless they are some professional cave explorers."

Kate leaned back, her face unreadable. "They aren't. They ran into some underground stream you were in and couldn't get past it., They don't know how you got in there."

"I told him—" Castle stared them realized he might have left some things out when he was speaking to Logan earlier. "Oh, I guess I forgot. I thought I told him I swam down the river or whatever it was, but I had to go underwater for a long time. It was risky but I had no choice—"

"God, Castle," Kate stood up, frustration evident in her body language. "What other crazy stunts did you do down there?"

He didn't reply. He didn't really know what to say. He knew she wasn't that angry at him, that she was just realizing how very close he was at dying. "It's not like we haven't done our share of stupid things to get out of dangerous situations."

"Yeah, but when we do it we are together." Kate said, "I don't like you jumping in head first when you're alone."

"I wasn't—" he stopped before he finished. He almost said he hadn't been alone.

Before he had to answer, in came Martha and Alexis, "Look who is finally up!" The older woman exclaimed.

"Yay, we can get out of here now," Alexis said happily.

Castle forgot about what he almost revealed to Kate. "Oh, does that mean I'm clear to go?"

Alexis hugged her father. "Yup, your tests came back all clear."

"Good!"

He started to get out of the bed but realized he needed clothes. As if reading his mind, Martha grabbed a sack and handed it to him. He took them while getting up. When he passed Kate, he looked her straight in the eyes but he couldn't tell how much of what he accidentally let slip out registered.

* * *

_Please, Review!_


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13  
_Short chapter but things are winding down. Glad I had time to update this chapter to use Villante's name._

* * *

They managed to get checked out with minimum of fuss. Castle supposed a small hospital did have some perks, and one was it easy leaving it. Nobody was around that Sunday morning. Kate told him not to get used to it because the neighbors had already called and reporters were staking out their DC place.

"That's why I think it's a good idea to pack our stuff up and head to the Hamptons and let you convalesce by the beach," Kate said. Castle, who was in the passenger seat, was surprised. He would love to head to his beach house, but he was sure she wouldn't be able to stay away from her job too long.

Before he could ask, Alexis, who was sitting in the backseat with Martha, added, "Oh, that's a great idea. I could call Pi and have him join us."

"Pi?" Castle asked.

Alexis had already pulled out her phone. "Oh yeah, he's my new b-, uh, friend. He's great, you're going to love him."

Castle had turned almost completely around and stared as she looked for his name in her phone. "And his name is Pi? What kind of name is that?"

Alexis rolled her eyes. "Dad, please. I met him when I went to Costa Rica this summer. He's wonderful."

Martha looked like she was hiding a smile. "He's been watching the loft for us."

"You left him in our home alone?" Castle said, looking at Kate to see if she knew anything about this. She was barely containing a grin.

"Dad, it's okay. It worked out. We needed someone watching the loft while we were away and he needed a place to stay for a few days."

Castle laughed sarcastically, turning around to face forward. "So he's homeless too? Great, he could have sold all our furniture right now."

Martha leaned forward. "It's okay, Richard. I met the young man. He's a free spirit, very much like me."

"Oh, well, that's comforting." Castle shook his head and rubbed his eyes. "Why don't you just drop me back in that cave on the way?"

Kate smacked him in the arm. "Castle, stop it. I'm sure he's fine. Alexis has always picked great guys in the past, right?"

"Yeah, right," he barely admitted.

They drove for a little while in silence. Alexis, who wisely realized calling Pi right might not be the best idea, was busy texting him. Martha went back to reading her book, and Kate was concentrating on the road. Castle looked over at her. He loved it when she concentrated. She looked better than yesterday but something still seemed wrong. He couldn't quite put his finger on it.

Thinking about the Hamptons he decided he needed to bite the bullet and go ahead and find out how much time she had left to devote to him. "So, when do you have to go back to your job?"

Kate glanced at him, her eyes not quite making eye contact. He sensed he wouldn't like her answer, but she'd obviously dropped everything to find him and be with him. He just hoped he could get a couple of more days. "I'm sure they are anxious to have you back."

"Actually, I'm-I'm not going back," she said it so quickly Castle almost didn't let it register.

"What do you mean?"

Kate took a deep breath and she glanced at Martha and Alexis in the backseat, who were doing their best to not listen to the conversation. "I quit."

"You quit!" Castle was shocked. "Why?"

She didn't answer, forcing him to guess. "Because I was kidnapped? Kate, God, I didn't want you to quit your job for me."

She held onto the steering wheel with her left hand, and reached out with her right, taking his. "It's okay."

It wasn't though. "Kate, I never wanted you to have to give that up. The opportunity was so great and you were enjoying it."

"I wasn't, Castle," Kate said, squeezing his hand.

"You weren't?" He thought of the last time he saw her, about how unhappy she looked leaving the apartment, but he had assumed it was because she couldn't tell him what was going on.

Breathing in, Kate kept her eyes on the road. "This job was exciting and new and it certainly had perks, which I admit I completely loved. The resources we had and working directly with the attorney general, you can't help but feel proud doing it.

"But there was a definite shift in priorities on how to get the job done. You know, I became a cop to give families of victims' closure and help them through their tragedies. That wasn't the case here. We rarely had direct contact with the people affected, and it was frowned upon if we reached out to them. I hated that."

Castle held her hand with both of his, stroking it. He had no idea. She always was so good with that side of things, where others would struggle. "I wish I had known."

"That was another issue," she said, glancing at him again. "I was so used to sharing my day with you. Even though you weren't going to be around, I didn't think I'd have to keep so much of my job quiet from you. I hated that and I know you did, too."

"I understood—"

"I hated that you had to. And much to my own shock, I realized how much I had depended on bouncing ideas and theories off of you, even when you went wild on your side."

Castle wasn't going to let her get away with that. "Hey! Those wild theories kept us going even when we hit brick walls."

She chuckled. "I know, and it wasn't really the place for them with Villante, my boss. I got some funny looks."

Now he was astonished. "You tried my theories?"

"A little," she was blushing. "But every week it seemed like it was taking more effort to go into work. I tried to tell myself it would get better, that I just needed to get over this early staged hump, and everything would click.

"When you went missing I was surprised at how they rallied around me. I was very grateful for it. Turns out it was protocol. It seemed too coincidental that you would be taken and we had just finished such an important and dangerous case."

It took all of Castle's restraint not to ask about that. How much danger was she in? He tensed just thinking about it.

"But once it was obvious Smith had only been about you, that changed things." Now there was an edge to her voice and Castle noticed she was gripping the steering wheel harder. "They pulled out, quickly. Of course, I wasn't expected to follow. They were very understanding of what I was going through on a personal level, but once this became a simple kidnapping, well, they needed to let that go back to the regular FBI team and local authorities so they could focus on the high priority cases."

Castle wisely continued to remain quiet. He couldn't take his eyes off of Kate. "I know, on a rational level, they were right. I've seen the cases they have worked. Calling them important is low balling it. But when I was told about the cave in and thought we had lost you, I just … I realized this job wasn't going to be enough, that it hadn't been enough, and I'd been kidding myself."

She glanced at him, sniffing, but she smiled. "I think it's a miracle I got a second chance."

"Yeah," was all Castle could say. Kate didn't pour her heart out like that very often, especially with Alexis and Martha in the backseat, but something told him she must have already shared all of this with them beforehand. He thought back to the cave and how his conversations with Royce, Roy, and Johanna all talked of Kate's job. Sitting now in the light of day with the people he loved most in the car, it seemed surreal. Bringing her hand to his lips, he kissed the back of it like she did his earlier. "I think we both got our miracles."

* * *

_Sorry this one was so short. Please review anyway._


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14  
_Thank you for reading through this story. Just one more chapter left! I know canon now has Castle apparently immediately doing a book tour but I just think after all of this he wouldn't want to leave the people he knows and loves._

* * *

Castle read over the last sentence and let out a breath he wasn't realizing he was holding. He'd just completed writing up everything he could remember from the cave to his computer. He wasn't ready to talk about it to Kate, but when he did, he didn't want to leave anything out.

Yesterday had gone by quickly. During the car ride from the hospital they only stopped at a diner on the way, and to his chagrin he was told to just have some soup and coffee just to make sure his digestion could handle it. Castle was annoyed, but if he was honest it tasted delicious.

They got to the DC house. Castle never did actually start calling it home, and they settled in for the night. The press was outside but they were able to shut them out. What surprised Castle was he was expecting to make phone calls but the first couple were to his ex-wives.

Meredith had been worried about him and his "reported death" and how Alexis was doing. She had made arrangements to fly there that evening, but thank God Castle had time to stop her from coming. She still felt she should come and there was a part of him that was always pleased when Meredith did show some parenting skills, but he managed to talk her into coming later when the family would be headed to the Hamptons. He couldn't deal with another visit with Meredith and Kate in the same house like last time.

Then he had called Gina, more out of professional duties. He originally had been scheduled for a book tour coming up very soon, but now he had no intention of doing it. The good news was he wouldn't have to. The press from the kidnapping and possible death had all his books flying off the bookshelves. Gina told him Black Pawn wanted him to wait to resume publicity when he was ready. Castle suspected that was more on her than on the company, but it didn't matter as he was going to hold them to it.

Paula, his agent, was the last work call he made. She actually wanted him to do more interviews. She was getting calls by top A-list journalists instead of talk shows and entertainment reporters and she was more than a little disappointed when he told her no. She reminded him that this type of media attention never lasts long, but he insisted he wasn't going to use it at all. He just wanted to be with his family.

Once done with that, he made the phone calls he'd been actually looking forward to: Ryan and Esposito. Castle smiled remembering their conversation.

"_Yo, Castle, if I had known you were going to be adventuring I'd let you take back that rock climbing equipment you gave me." Esposito joked._

_Castle smiled. "Yeah, I wish I had known how much I'd be needing something like that." _

_Ryan wasn't able to joke that easily. His voice strained, he worried, "Castle, are you really okay? Jenny was concerned they released you from the hospital too soon …"_

"_No, I'm fine, I promise, Kevin," Castle reassured. "I probably didn't have to spend the night but they wanted to monitor me just to be on the safe side."_

"_How's Beckett?" Esposito asked._

_Castle's eyes found her talking to Alexis across the room. Kate seemed to sense this and made eye contact, smiling at him. He returned it. "Hanging in there. How was she during this?"_

_Neither of the guys answered right away. Choosing his words very carefully, Esposito said, "Determined."_

"_Right." Castle imagined._

More small talk with the guys and Ryan catching Castle up with Jenny's pregnancy and he was off the phone. There were other people he should have called, but they could wait. One of the two good consequences of near death experiences was that they always resulted in Martha working hard to make a fabulous meal. This time she stayed away from the gourmet stuff, since they were still reintroducing food to him. Castle was just glad this time it was solid foods with meat. It was delicious.

Everyone turned in rather early, the toll of the last few days hitting even Alexis and Martha. This resulted in the other good consequence of near death experiences: Kate and he having "I'm glad you are alive" sex. Their initial kisses were soft and slow, but it didn't take long for repressed passions to take over. It wasn't just the last week with his kidnapping, but also how little they saw each other over the summer. For every kiss and caress, each could feel not just longing, but the love that they shared. Castle could see it in her eyes, those fabulous eyes he had described to Johanna, were on full beams and she looked like she never wanted to let him go. That was fine by Castle; he didn't want her to.

Eventually exhausting themselves, they fell asleep where Castle slept hard until right before daybreak. They had forgotten to close the curtains and he was probably extra sensitive to the sunlight, which is what woke him up. Carefully untangling himself from Kate he had put on a robe and had a flash of Johanna. Realizing he'd probably already forgotten some of what was said and done in the cave, he did what any writer would do and transcribed it.

Task completed, Castle could already feel that the memories of Royce, Roy, and Johanna were fading. After writing down how they had helped him he had no doubt they were really there. Too much guidance and advice had been passed to him and it was amazing to read how just the right person was there at the right time to talk him into doing what he needed to do. Castle shuddered to think what would have happened if he'd been alone. In fact, he knew those earlier statements about his death true.

"What are you doing?"

So lost in his memories, Castle jumped. Kate had put on her robe and came out of the bedroom to find him. He blushed. "You scared me."

She smiled while approaching him slowly. "I'm sorry. But when I woke up you weren't beside me … that, I thought …"

It didn't even occur to Castle leaving her would confuse her. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't think … you thought yesterday had been a dream?"

"For a couple of seconds." He tried to stand up but she stopped him, placing her arms on his shoulders. She turned his chair so that she could sit in his lap, which he happily accepted. "Then I remembered last night and that was no dream."

He grinned. "It sure wasn't." She cupped his cheek and he brought his hand up. He wanted to kiss her hand. That's when he felt it. "Hey, you're wearing your engagement ring."

"Yeah," she said shyly. She stared at it with him. "Now I can wear it since I don't have a job that prevents me from having it."

Castle felt the guilt well up within him at the reminder she quit her job. "Kate, are you really sure—"

"Yes!" saying it with love, not anger. "Castle, these last few days have been a nightmare and normally I could look to my job to get me through this. I should have been, but not this time."

Castle kissed her, which she returned. The softness of her lips was so welcoming, but he sensed she had another need other than physical. Pulling away, he leaned in so he could get a better look at her.

Taking a breath, Kate got up and grabbed another chair, arranging it to be directly across from him. She clearly wanted to talk about this but doing it in his lap wasn't going to work. Putting her left hand on his desk, she stared at it. "When I came home that first night, I was so excited. I was actually getting off early. Well, not early, because it was after five, but we would've had the whole evening to ourselves. I couldn't wait to surprise you."

Castle flinched at her words. He could see clearly the image of Kate walking into the house and not finding him there.

"When I walked in, I could tell you weren't home. It was dark and very, very quiet." She smiled knowing he usually made noise wherever he went. "I just thought you were out on an errand or something. It's not like I ever got home on time. So I took my phone and went to call you. That's when I heard yours."

Castle blinked. He had forgotten all about his phone. "You have my phone?"

"Well, the FBI have it now actually, but yes. Smith had brought your phone in here. He hung it with a rope in the living room. I walked in and saw it. I knew then …" She blinked away tears.

"God, Kate, I'm so sorry." He took her hands. He hated to see her upset.

This actually made her laugh a little. "Oh, Castle, it's not like you did anything wrong and got yourself kidnapped. He was a lunatic."

Castle nodded, but it still felt like he held some responsibility. "Maybe if I had just read that stupid manuscript he wouldn't have …"

"Actually, if you had, he would have taken someone else. And I know you. You would have felt directly responsible for his actions." Her logic was true. Castle hadn't thought of that.

She went on. "Anyway, when I got into your phone he had the video camera pulled up. He had a video of you unconscious. He was saying this is the last time we'd ever see you alive.

"I immediately called Villante. I'm amazed I was in control of my own voice. He and the team didn't waste time, they were here so quickly all of them: Rachel, Hendricks, and the tech squad. It seemed likely that our recent case might have been connected to you. Apparently it's standard protocol when a team member or their family is in danger because it might be due to our own jobs."

It took all of Castle's self control not to ask her what the hell they were doing, how much danger was she in all the time, but he knew it was important not to interrupt her again.

"While those leads were being investigated I tried to call your mother and daughter, and that's when it first started happening, me realizing how much I hated my job." She let that sink in, and then continued. "You see, in our cases, the victims are secondary. Of course, we want to find justice for them and help them, but its national security and keeping the pubic, all the public, safe. So … trying to reach the victim's families to alert them to the situation is not part of protocol unless they have knowledge to help the case."

Castle cringed. "Wow. So I guess with Mother and Alexis being in New York it was unlikely they would have any knowledge as to why I was taken."

Her face was harder now, the bitterness of those conversations coming back to her. "Remember, we were working on the assumption you were taken because of my job, that either my last case of a recent one was at the root. Martha and Alexis had no connection to that, so it was unnecessary to bring them in yet."

Now she was starting to get angry. Standing up, she began pacing. "I was so angry. You were missing and I was ordered to keep this information from the people you love most!"

"It's okay, Kate," Castle said. It was over now. "It did work out."

"Only because I did break that protocol!" Kate admitted. She stopped pacing and went to the window to stare out. "We were getting nowhere on our side of things, obviously because Smith wasn't part of any of my cases, but we didn't know that. I decided to take a chance and get more people involved. So I contacted Esposito and Ryan."

This shocked Castle. "Could they help on a federal case?"

She shook her head. "Not really. Not officially at least. I didn't care. They are good at digging up information and I wasn't about to not use all the resources that I could to find you. " Taking a breath, she turned to him. "Javi actually thought it was Tyson who had grabbed you. He was convinced of it."

"That sounds like something I would say."

She chuckled. "Yeah, it does. And I wasn't going to dismiss it. Anything was possible at this point. That idea led them to Black Pawn. If Tyson were stalking you he could have gotten information from them."

"That's true," Castle said. "My appearances are made public to generate buzz and interest. Oh, wait, if Ryan and Esposito approached them, they had to explain something had happened to me!"

She nodded. "Right. They told Gina first. Just that you were missing, and they asked who was in charge of your appearances. That's when they spoke to Katelyn."

"She was assigned to me when I came here. She's nice though, and very prepared—" Castle stopped, remembering she had met Smith. "Hey, she actually met him. Brown, I mean, Smith. Are you telling me …"

"That's right," Kate smiled. "Smith sent her the manuscript. Well, he sent it to you, but you told him to send it to Black Pawn and he apparently remembered her that night. It's the publisher's policy to record all manuscripts sent to them, to protect themselves from any legalities if they were to be sued."

"Right."

"She was new enough though that she hadn't gotten a manuscript before. So she read it first. What struck her most was it was badly written, but the plot stayed in her mind, and that it had been addressed for you. She immediately told Ryan and Esposito."

"That was a lucky break." Castle felt a shiver run over him.

Kate shook her head. "Not exactly. Smith did a good job clearing his tracks on the manuscript itself. No prints. There was a PO box for you to correspond with, but when he decided to kidnap you he closed it. He paid cash for it and was very good at staying clear from the cameras. However there were cameras outside the store and he missed those. Finally we had a picture. Meanwhile, I now had to also tell Alexis and Martha. I didn't care about protocol anymore, and even Gina knew at this point. They should know, too. When Villante found out all hell broke loose."

Castle reached for her arm, gently caressing it. "But they really didn't hold that against you, did they? This whole thing was an extraordinary and extreme situation. Surely you had some leeway …"

"No, Castle, not in this job." Kate said. "We have to be careful. We do work directly for the AG and no liberties can be taken when it comes to cases. However, Javi and Kevin had proven your kidnapping was not related to me or the team and as such it could become a standard FBI investigation."

Her tone dictated she was not happy with that decision. "Uh-huh, you didn't care for that, I take it."

"Bringing in a whole new team at that stage? It was ridiculous and was going to waste time. Now, to be fair, Villante was sympathetic. He made arrangements so that Ryan and Esposito could keep working on the case. He also made arrangements for Alexis and Martha to come to DC. I was appreciative."

She paused. "He also gave me time off to work this out. I could tell he was not optimistic we would find you and he knew something like that could ..." She didn't go on.

Castle stood up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. He turned them to the window. He felt her relax in his embrace and kissed her neck. "So I guess he was in the database?"

"Yeah, but I wasn't allowed to use it at first. By then my team was off the case and that database is for our exclusive use. I'd already broken the rules with your family so Villante was more than adamant we not break anymore. If it had just been up to me, he wouldn't have agreed."

"Someone else persuaded?" Castle was surprised. Castle immediately thought of his father.

Kate nodded but didn't elaborate. The raw emotion on her face kept Castle from pushing, however the approval came through, she wasn't ready to talk about it. "We were right, Smith was in the database. He's a surveyor for the county and did some government field sites."

She paused and Castle felt her body shiver. "When we showed up at his door, he was shocked. He did not expect us to find him. He immediately asked for a lawyer. If I hadn't had other officials around me, I would have pressed him harder." Castle didn't need her to spell out what she meant. "We got a warrant for his computer and though it was encrypted, it wasn't that difficult for the FBI techs to break. I…I saw that video of you."

Now Castle was surprised. "What video?"

"You were in the cave. You'd just woken up. You found the camera and tore it out."

"Right." That seemed like a lifetime ago.

"Yeah, well, I will have that memory for the rest of my life." She tightened her hands on his forearms. "We then got the call. Those kids out in Lynn's Crossing had triggered the sensors and the shaft had imploded."

Castle inhaled sharply. If he had stayed where he was, he would have died. "Sounds like he thought of everything."

She shook her head. "Not of his own imprisonment. When we went back to the cell to talk to him, to find out if that was really where he left you, he had hung himself."

"Oh, Kate."

She shivered. "I broke down then. It seemed so unreal, all of it. But I kept hoping we'd find you. I went out to the site, had to see it for myself. I wouldn't let Martha or Alexis go and they were angry—"

Her voice broke then. He turned her around. He was going to tell her yet again that it worked out but by now she let it go. She cried and he held her. Castle didn't have to be there to know Kate tried to compartmentalize everything, that she pushed her fears for him away and pushed the rest of herself into finding him, into saving him. When she thought she failed, he knew how she pushed that onto herself.

Eventually, she relaxed. Pulling back, she smiled some. "Anyway, the next morning, I got a phone call from you, and then everything was going to be okay."

He had so much to say to her, but when he went to open his mouth all that came out was a simple, "And it will."

* * *

_I'm sorry this is so heavy on exposition. But I wanted to let Kate tell her own experiences and let Castle hear them. Kate probably was more emotional in my FF than Dreamworld. I make no apologies. :) Reviews?_


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15  
_I want to thank everyone who read and reviewed. This was something that I thought about last season and it's been bugging me to write, at least this part of it, for some time now._

* * *

When the last page came out of the printer, Castle shuffled them. Sighing, he looked out the window. Kate was drinking coffee in the lawn chair and gazing out at the ocean. It had been three weeks since they came to the Hamptons. The first week Martha and Alexis were with them, with Meredith staying at a nearby hotel. Pi came too, which absolutely irked Caste, but at least the house was big enough to keep him out of Castle's hair. By the end of the week, things were back to normal and everyone made arrangements to return to the city, leaving the fiancées to stay at the beach by themselves.

It had been idyllic, really. Kate didn't have to head to her job and Castle didn't have any deadlines looming. Some time was spent staying in bed, so glad to be alive and together. Kate would cook one night, Castle the next, and during the day they would head out and sightsee. Castle was loving it and he could tell Kate was too, but he knew they couldn't stay there forever. Well, they probably could, but he knew Kate well enough to know she would yearn for something more productive to do with her life.

Last weekend the boys and Lanie came up for the weekend to visit. It was great to have the old gang together again and Kate asked a lot of questions about the precinct. He had a feeling she was looking to get her old job back, and judging by Ryan and Esposito's comments he didn't think that would be a problem. He knew they couldn't put off the subject forever, but before he did broach it he wanted to talk about the other elephant they were ignoring: his nightmares.

He didn't have them every night. They weren't the sweating, tossing, and screaming at the top of the lungs kind of nightmares, but they were disturbing enough to wake him up. Talking in his sleep let out some information, and since it was more information than he actually shared with Kate she was concerned, or at least confused. He managed to keep from talking about it, and he was sad to let her believe the reason was because he didn't want to, especially when it was just the opposite. He was nervous about discussing the spirits. Kate wasn't likely to believe him and there was the matter of dreaming of her mother, a person he never met and whose death was still causing her pain.

So he decided he use the talents God gave him and take the words he wrote weeks ago and let her read them herself. He knew she was a fan and thanks to Johanna he knew how his words really affected her. Maybe reading about Royce, Montgomery, and Johanna would be a better way to understand how they helped him; to show how, without them, he would never have made it out of the cave.

He walked out to the chairs. Kate was obviously deep in thought since she didn't hear him approach, her eyes staring far out into the ocean. When his shadow got her attention she looked up and smiled the smile that made him forget to breathe. "Hi, there."

"Hey," he said, unable to hide his nerves. Taking a seat beside her he kept the papers to his side, not trying to hide them but not making them obvious either. Now that he was out here, his mind blanked on him. He smiled and glanced at her cup. "Done with your coffee?"

Kate narrowed her eyes at him, sensing he was up to something. Biting back a smile, she said, "Yes. You were going to get yourself some."

"Oh, right." He had forgotten.

"Castle, what's wrong?" she asked. "You have been acting strange this morning, even for you."

She was teasing but she wasn't wrong. Clearing his throat, he knew there was no point putting it off. "I went in and printed something off my computer."

She cocked her head. "You already writing the next Nikki Heat book?"

Shaking his head, she shifted in the chair so he was facing her directly. Her eyes fell on the pages he brought out. Motioning to them, Castle said, "I wrote down what happened in the cave."

Her smile fell and her eyes got a deer in headlights look. Then she recovered. "I didn't realize…"

"I wrote it back in DC, before we left to come here. Well, first we went to the loft, then we came here. I keep forgetting we came to the loft first, we only spent the night. And then there was Pi, God, I wished I blocked that kid out of my mind, thank God he went back to NY with Alexis but I hate to think what they are doing together—"

"Castle," she said, which ended his rambling. Sitting up, she leaned towards him, taking one of his hands. "Are you sure? You brought those out here for me to read, right?"

He nodded.

She held his gaze. She knew there was something he wasn't telling her. "What should I know?"

"Everything you need to know is in those pages." He handed them to her.

Taking them, she clung to them. "I'm trying to remember when you had time to write all of this."

"That first night, I couldn't sleep. You got up and came into the living room to see what I was doing. I had just finished."

"Oh, I didn't know—"

Castle sighed. "I was realizing by then that the details of what happened in the cave were fading. I'm sure this account left out some moments, and I didn't want to forget anything more."

Now Kate shuddered. "Why would you want to remember?"

"Because, Kate, it's part of my life now. Surviving that cave, how I got through it. It was awful and terrible and frightening but I did do it. And I know I was meant to survive it."

She smiled at that, but Castle knew she really didn't understand yet. Glancing at the pages, Castle pointed, "Kate, I haven't told you very much about what happened there. But it wasn't because I wanted to hide it from you or didn't want to talk about it."

Kate shook her head, "The last thing I wanted to do was push you, to force you to talk about it before you were ready—"

"I know, Kate, I know."

They stared at each other for a long time and he had to fight back the urge to kiss her. Realizing she should have privacy, Castle took her empty coffee cup. "I'm going inside. I'm sure reading this will be difficult but having me staring at you while you're doing it will be … creepy."

She shook her head at him. "Not creepy. Never creepy."

He stood up and began walking, but stopped. Now that she had it there was no going back. "Kate, I swear everything in there is what happened. Whatever you imagined it was like for me down there, this will be nothing you expected."

She surprised him by laughing. "Castle, I learned a long time ago; being with you, nothing is what I expect."

He laughed with her. Turning around, he mumbled, "You have no idea."

* * *

Creepy or not creepy, just because Castle went inside didn't mean he wasn't going to watch her. Sitting at the nearest window, he stared as she read. Her back was to him so he had no idea how she was reacting to his words. After several minutes, he realized he was still holding her coffee cup. He hurried into the kitchen, placed it in the sink, and then practically ran back to the window. Of course she was still reading.

He tried to busy himself by straightening up the house but it wasn't working. He doubted his decision to leave her alone. Not seeing her face, he was imaging a look of dumbstruck astonishment. What was he thinking? The people that helped in the cave he knew because of her. If she thought he was making it up, she might think he was intruding on her past before she knew him.

Eventually Kate did finish and she came in. Castle was in the sunroom practically standing at attention as she entered the house. The sunlight behind her illuminated her form through her sundress. Castle forced himself to look her in the eyes, those eyes would tell him what she thought, even if she didn't voice it. What he saw there surprised him. It wasn't anger, or disappointment, or outright fear that he'd lost his mind. It was love.

Approaching him, she put the papers down on a nearby table. Taking his hands, she squeezed them. She didn't say anything. As it usually did, it made Castle nervous. "Kate, I swear what I wrote was the truth. They did come—"

"I believe you." She said it so simply.

"You, you do?"

Pushing some hair out of his eyes, she nodded. "Have you forgotten you talk in your sleep?"

"I, uh, no." He was confused by the question.

"Your nightmares, you were reliving some of the cave stuff. You mentioned Mike and Roy's names."

Now he was surprised. "I did?"

"Yeah, and I didn't understand. I wondered if you were just confusing events in your mind. Now after reading this," she gestured behind her, "I understand."

He almost gasped. He hadn't expected this to be going so well. "So you know now. They helped me out." Now her expression faltered. She recovered, but it was too late. Castle's heart sank. "Oh, I see."

"Castle—"

"You believe that I believe this, but you don't think they were really there."

She put her arms around him. "You didn't believe they were really there, either. A lot of what you wrote down here was questioning if they were in your head or not."

He couldn't argue with that. If he didn't think they were real at that time, how could he expect her to believe in them weeks later? "Kate, if they hadn't been there, there is no way I'd ever get out—"

She kissed his cheek. "Whatever helped you get out of that cave, I will always be eternally grateful."

He felt a lump in his throat. "Even if it's your mother?"

"When I got to that part, when she was there, you know what struck me?"

He was scared to answer that question so he didn't.

"That you were afraid I'd get angry." She kept caressing his head.

"Well, it's not like I have the right to—" he stopped at that. He wasn't sure how to finish that statement. "You shouldn't have to share her with me. I never knew her."

Her forehead leaned on his. Tears were in both their eyes. "God, Castle, after everything you went through down there, you were worried about that?"

"I might not have been thinking exactly clearly," he said, his arms around her. He loved feeling her body against his. "But I know she was there. And if she hadn't been, I wouldn't be here."

She leaned her head back. She didn't say anything to that. So he explained. "Kate, if she hadn't been there then, I would have kept going. The flashlight was nearly out, but eventually I'd've tried to keep walking. Well, crawling. You know me, I never know when to quit."

"That's right," Kate smirked.

"I don't know how far I would have gone with the flashlight going out, but I'm sure I'd have been far enough away that when the sun came up I wouldn't have known it. Her sitting there talking to me saved my life because I would have just kept moving on."

"Castle, reading those pages with Mike, Roy, and my mother wasn't the hard part. The hard part was reading what you were talking about."

"Huh?"

She kissed him quickly, then whispered, "I love you. You aren't a distraction. You will never be just a distraction. I want to marry you and no job is as important as you are."

He had been so focused on the spirits themselves he had forgotten their actual conversations, which he had written down. "Kate, I'm sorry, I forgot … I didn't have you read that so you could feel guilty or anything. It's not like I really believed any of what they were saying-"

"Didn't you?"

"Kate, I love you too. And I don't care how deep into the earth's crust I was, nothing was going to stop me from crawling my way out to you."

She smiled at that. "And nothing was going to prevent me from finding you."

They kissed.

* * *

Two weeks later, Castle and Kate were moving her DC stuff into the loft. They had taken a few days to go and pack everything and bring it back. It was just the nick of time, since tomorrow she would be back at the precinct, and though their vacation was coming to an end, Castle could tell she was excited about it. Truth be told, he was too.

"So, you hungry? I'm thinking Chinese."

Kate placed her last suitcase down on their bed and turned to him. "Castle, we need to get some of this stuff sorted out. I start back to the precinct tomorrow and then there will be less time."

He laughed. "I can do a lot of that while you're at work." He pulled her to him. The look she gave him told him she didn't believe him. "What?"

"Like you aren't coming in, too."

He almost laughed at that. "Actually, I hadn't planned on it. You have to resettle in back at the station, fix the messes Javier and Kevin have made with you gone."

She snorted. "Right. I give you four hours before you come in."

"I may bring some lunch for you, if you are nice to me." He really hadn't planned on going up there.

She arched an eyebrow. "And then if we happen to be on a case, you won't happen to stay?"

"I don't have to be there for every case," Castle said, but was secretly pleased she wanted him there. Then he thought about it. "Unless you get an interesting one."

"Right." They kissed briefly. She stepped away stating she needed to freshen up before they headed out.

When she closed the bathroom door Castle scanned the bedroom, looking for anything he could finish in the next few minutes. A nearly half empty box on the dresser got his attention. He went to it. There were odds and ends in there, female stuff. But in the corner he was shocked to find a paperback book of his: _Hell Hath no Fury_. Taking it out, he could tell it was well worn. This was the book she mentioned in that very first case which told him she had been a fan. Opening it up, he saw the inscription; "To Kate, thanks for reading."

His mouth dropped open. He had no idea she had ever stood in line to get his autograph. Sitting down, he kept rereading his own handwriting. He was shocked he didn't remember her.

When she came out of the bathroom, she asked him if he was ready but stopped when she saw what he was holding. "Castle, what are you doing with that?"

He looked at her. "My God, Kate, when did you get this signed?"

She practically snatched it from him and he could almost see that wall going up. But when she turned to put it back in the box, she stopped. She closed her eyes like she was inwardly fighting herself. Taking the book she hugged it to her chest. "It was a long time ago."

His mind went to the cave and to Johanna telling him his books got Kate through her murder. Was this what she was talking about? Kate put the book back in the box. She folded her arms, "I never told you about that. I probably should have."

After a beat, Castle asked. "How long after Jo-your mother's death did you begin reading that?"

Now she looked at him. "How do you know it was after my mom's death?"

He realized then this was one of those details he forgot about. He forgot to put that in the journal about the cave. He was tempted to lie, because the way she was acting about the book was a clue it was probably during that time in her life. "Johanna told me."

"What?"

"That's one of things we talked about in the cave."

She was staring at him now. Eventually she said, "You didn't write that down."

"I told you I forgot some things." He couldn't believe he had forgotten that, though.

She was looking at him weirdly now, like she was considering something. Deciding this silence wasn't a good thing, Castle got up. "I'm sorry if I intruded just now. I thought I'd empty the box for you, but saw the book in there was mine. I wished I had known you had my autograph."

"It was so long ago, Castle." She was staring at his lips. When she did that, it was unlikely they were going anywhere.

"I wish I remembered. I'm so sorry that I didn't."

She put her arms around him. "I didn't really want you to. I'm glad you didn't."

He nodded, embracing her too. "Is it okay I know now?"

She thought for a moment, then returned that wonderful smile. "Yes, it's absolutely okay." They kissed. And they didn't go out for Chinese.

* * *

_Again, thank you to everyone. I may write the follow up to Kate's side but right now I want to rest and enjoy these new episodes of the show and see how Marlowe really does end the Federal arc. I thank all of you taking the time to read, follow and review. And if you would like to review this last chapter, I would greatly appreciate it. :)_


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